Bright Copper Kettles

We are having our photos taken at work today. I suppose that means I should wear something "nice" instead of my usual casual Friday jeans and the nearest available clean top.

Maybe I will even put on some makeup. Although all I have easily accessible is my black eyeshadow and my glittery eyeshadow.

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I have discovered this cupcake blog on Make Tea Not War.

Mmmmm...yummy! Maybe I will do some baking tonight. I certainly don't have enough cupcakes in my diet.

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This past week my diet has been very very bad. I can't be bothered cooking or shopping. I wonder if I should do something about it?

Saturday
many cups of tea
bottle of bubbly
a couple of glasses of red wine

Sunday
bacon and eggs and toast
many many cups of tea

Monday
coffee, tea, milo
croissant
Burger King

Tuesday
coffee, tea, milo
mini small bacon and egg roll
a packet of chips
cheese sandwich
a can of peaches
a can of pears

Wednesday
coffee, tea, milo
toast
McDonalds
pear

Thursday
coffee, tea, milo
bagel
Wendys
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I adore self-help books. I'm not sure why. I don't exactly believe what they say or do what they tell me to do. Maybe it's more that they are entertaining.

My favourite self-help book of all-time is "Finding Your Own North Star: How to claim the life you were meant live" by Martha Beck. I recently finished re-reading it for the third time.

I don't think I have actually done any of the suggested tasks in this book...but they seem sensible. If I was going to follow the advice of any self-help book it would probably be this one.

The thing that struck me on this reading though was the Change Cycle. In particular, Square One: Death and Rebirth. Hmmm... And the mantra for square one: "I don't know what the hell is going on, and that's OK." Yes. I like that...

I'd go into further detail, but I have to go do laundry.

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I was talking to Frank who said he needs external validation for his writing. I said something stupid and thoughtless like "everyone needs external validation."

Frank's reply: "Do you?"

I am officially stumped. I have absolutely no idea. Maybe I don't. Surely having a blog means that I require some external validation, although it wouldn't bother me if no one read this. I would still write if no one read this.

I guess for me writing, painting and all types of creating are internally motivated. I do these things because I want to. In some cases because I need to.

It is like my conversation with Poetry Girl. She wants to leave behind a grand creation when she dies. I'm not like that. I don't care if my creations are grand or if anyone ever sees them. I do not want to make my mark on the world.

So if I need external validation, and it is not for any of my creations, what do I need it for?

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yeah... I have nothing to say.

Well. Not exactly true. My brain is too full and I am too tired to compose much more than this token post.

I am trying to figure out what my morals are. It turns out to be not so easy.

Maybe I'll compose some bad lyrics and post them this week.

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Everyone is leaving.

The delicious Timmy is off to London to make his mark on the music world. I am thrilled for him - he is one of my favourite drummers. He has done brilliantly so far, and I am positive that at the very least he will be a little famous if not a lot famous.

If I was in the music industry in London I'd hire him.

I see he has started a diary here.

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I am listening to some stupid game show on TV. It is exceedingly boring. I only have the TV on so I know what the time is so I am not late for the tofu soup.

Anyway, the tincanman (whom most of you probably read anyway) posted about a much cooler game show where apparently people shoot tissue paper off naked girls with water pistols. Yes, that is much much more fun!

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It was a very random and forgetful day. I went to an important meeting 24 hours early and I completely forgot about an event I really wanted to go to. So it was strange that I remembered this item from near the bottom of my "to-do-if-I-ever-get-around-to-it" list:

Get a hold of a copy of the String Quartet Tribute to Tool album.

Well. I have now ticked that particular item off my list. I also managed to find a String Tribute to Radiohead.

I am a little disappointed though. I was expecting something spectacular and I would have arranged all the songs very differently and perhaps an orchestral tribute would be more appropriate.

Nonetheless, it is a good thing to listen to. I particularly liked Sober, Jimmy, Paranoid Android and Exit Music. It also reminded me just how melodic Tool is. And how dissonant. Of course, Tool would never have made it to my "all-time-favourite-band" list without being melodic. That is the one non-negotiable requirement. Some other slightly less solid requirements are: dark, beautiful, quirky, intense, emotional, interesting lyrics...

Anyway, now I am wondering if there is a string tribute to the Deftones somewhere.

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dum de dum dum diddly dum
G G G G G C C dum-dedum de-dum
...

"Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
Wind would whisper and I'd think of you
...
Remember yesterday
Walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand
I remember you..."

I wish I could communicate how this song makes me feel....Those chords. That acoustic guitar part with the hammer-on on Cadd9. Those soppy words. That melody. Those guitar solos. Those guitar solos! And more importantly those guitarists who remember this song the way I do...whose eyes light up when I play it...who drop everything and play it for me at the slightest hint. Yeah. I love those guitarists :-)

If you don't know the song I am talking about, you won't understand how those first few bars just make me smile inside, or how I sing along in spite of my no-singing policy, or how the solos incite air-guitar temptations from little old me, or how it makes me think fondly about all the guitarists in my life.

Sigh.

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By Octopus Girl Designs. You can buy your very own from Champion. I love it cause it looks like ears.



PS. Notice my painting of D wearing the red square hat in the background. How very synchronous!

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On the drunken chess night, we decided we needed to play backgammon instead. I didn't have a board so I made one out of one of my blank canvases. I am now in the process of painting it:



The red circles are the marks from the glasses. Grenadine.

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here I am wearing my new square hat and my old white dressing gown
memories of ears and tears turning me around
and I can almost see around the corner
I can almost see the bag with my new suit wrapped in tissue paper
that I know it's there
isn't that all that matters?

and I have been not thinking all weekend
just letting your advice percolate and mellow
I think I saw all this from afar
I think I almost felt this before
there have been telescopes in my mind ever since I met you

and you surprised me
you told me you thought that song was about you
I didn't know at the time
and perhaps it is about you
but I was a silly girl back then
and maybe I still am
But I knew you were there
that was all that mattered

and the loose threads of my disintegrating life are moving
I let them go
and now they are rearranging themselves
I can almost see the pattern
but I won't predict it
all I know is that its not what I expected
and maybe even better than I expected

so I am sitting here thinking
perhaps the universe is not so bad after all
and I am sitting here thinking
perhaps this is what you are for

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Lazing in bed is wonderful. I have spent practically the whole weekend from Friday afternoon until now in bed. And I am going back to bed as soon as I finish writing this post.



Although I did get up and dressed to go shopping for a couple of hours. I went to a mall. I hate malls. Especially on the weekend. It was worth it though because I bought a suit on sale. It is a charcoal grey stretch/Italian wool pant suit. I am not sure why I need a suit. In fact I don't need a suit at this very moment. But I have been attempting to follow my intuition and in this case it was screaming BUY! at me. So I did. It will be interesting to see what the future holds for that suit.

I should (ha!) probably have bought a shirt too. They were very cheap. But I have learnt the shirt lesson which is: DO NOT buy a shirt that requires ironing. You KNOW you will only wear it once.
Some people can do the ironing thing. I can't. I hate it and it seems so pointless.

Why am I writing about spending all weekend in bed? Well I am finding it interesting, that something keeps forcing me to take more and more time for myself. Ostensibly I intend to use this time to meditate on and re-evaluate my life, make lists, and make plans. I keep thinking "my life is a mess, I need to set aside time to "fix" it". However, in reality I just use this spare time to sleep and cry and laze and mope. I could be doing other productive things like housework, T, hanging out with friends, going out, painting, writing, reading, making jewellery, surfing the web, blogging, exercise etc... but I don't.

Anyway, now I am thinking that perhaps what I really need at the moment is to sleep and cry and laze and mope. It feels right.

Oh...and I asked the Universe for a sign/omen about what I should do. It was a bit slow on producing the omen (or I was impatient or expecting something different) so I did a tarot reading. Again...it was very clear and it coincided with advice from a friend. Actually the advice from the friend could've been the sign...I guess I was expecting something more obtuse. Or maybe I was wanting something easier. The advice from the friend and the tarot is quite scary.



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I am very annoyed at The Universe. I have been holding up my end of the bargain, which was to get out of bed most days and be creative when I feel like it (ie never). The Universe has not been holding up it's end of the bargain, which was to handle the rest of my life.

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I downloaded Google Earth. It is OK. It kept me amused for 10 minutes.

Thanks to Jeremy who pointed me to the NZ map servers on Mapdex:

http://www.mapdex.org/search/search.cfm?serverkeyword=.nz&tab=svr&type=svr

Cool!

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Unicorn Orgy

Ummm...I really don't know what to say.

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So I finally changed the template. It is very much a Work In Progress. The only part I am happy with is the fluid column width.

The next item on my blog TODO list is find a "red." It has to be a deep red...almost blood red. The red also has to be glossy. Like patent leather. Can you have glossy colours on the computer screen? I'm not even sure where I am going to use this red. All I know is that I need such a red somewhere on this blog.

This is much more important than the other Blog TODO items which include:

• Decide on the rest of the colour scheme
• Choose fonts
• Fix the Recent Comments Hack
• Fix my profile
• Find a cool name

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RSS Compedium - lists of rss-related things. I like lists and I love rss.

Uklug - RSS jobs / Search

If I could remember how I found these links I would tell you.

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Mapdex is a pretty cool and potentially useful index of (and I quote):

1,537 servers, serving 26,432 map services, containing over 350,000 GIS Layers, covering more than 4,000,000 columns!

It is searchable and it seems like you can create your own map from various sources....haven't quite figured it out yet and I imagine it won't have a lot of NZ data. Still, it is only a "first-cut."

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Manda seems upset for me because apparently I believe in the tarot and other awful stuff like that. Ummm...I appreciate the concern and I hate to disappoint you Manda, but my mind is not that amazing! Trust me on that.

Yes, I do believe in lots of spiritual crap. There are reasons and I won't go into them now. Let's just say that I understand why my rational friends do not believe. I like that they do not believe. I would be just as skeptical if I hadn't had a couple of personal, inexplicable events occur. Actually, I am still pretty skeptical and not your typical new agey type person (see The Solstice Event post).

But the Tarot doesn't fit in the silly New Age category. At least, for me it doesn't.

I use and view the tarot as a self-exploration tool to provide different perspectives on various aspects of my life. I do not use it to tell the future. I do not use it to speak with spirits. I do not use it to tell me what to do. It is sort of like going to counselling, talking to a wise friend or writing personal stuff in a journal or blog. It is a mirror, a sounding board, a spade. It is mostly me talking to other subconscious aspects of myself.

I have been to many tarot readers in the past. With the exception of Phoenix, they have all been a load of rubbish. I find that doing tarot spreads for myself is much more useful. I am the person best qualified to make decisions about my life.

The thing I get out of tarot is that it is a spotlight on the issues that I am going through. It often reveals things I may have been ignoring. It often provides alternate perspectives on a situation.

The cards can be read in many ways, and you can say anything with any spread if you approach it in the right way. But I think that whatever interpretation I am drawn to is relevant for me at the moment. And just like I try not to follow science blindly, I don't follow the tarot blindly. I always take everything it says with a grain of salt. I always weigh it against all the other information I have.

I think what I like about the Tarot is the artistic, visual, creative story-telling aspect. It is fun. I certainly don't think it is for everyone and I think a lot of people take it far too seriously. Like everything else, it can be completely wrong. But I do think that people should try it or at least research it before denouncing it so strongly. Things aren't always what they seem.

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This is my Bethell's beach photo. Bethell's Beach was the same as ever. It felt kind of weird that one of my favourite places could actually be boring. The usual photos at the typical scale would've been nice, but I have so many photos of different days at Bethell's that look exactly the same. Anyway, I don't really like "nice."

However, I discovered/remembered that all I need to do is look carefully with different eyes. Altered scales and altered perspectives reveal many new and interesting things.

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Planarity.

A flash game that is sure to help me improve my very bad spatial reasoning.

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Useful piece of information: I am 100% better at drinking chess than I am at sober chess. I think it is because it suits my chess style, which is the lazy-dont-plan-ahead-use-intuition style. The person I challenged to drinking chess would easily beat me if we were sober, but I actually won our drunken chess match. Of course there is always the possibility that he let me win...and I suspect he was playing to get us both drunk. Oh well. A win is a win.

We only played one game as it was significantly harder than I thought it would be. One game was enough to ensure that walking was difficult. Drunken backgammon is quite a lot easier than drunken chess.

In other game news: I am becoming addicted to sudoku.

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I am going to be totally honest here.

My initial reaction to the London Bombing news: I don't care.
My current reaction: I should care, but I don't. I tried surfing the web reading all I can find and trying to produce some sort of reaction. Still nothing.

By "I don't care" I mean that I feel absolutely nothing. Not horror, not outrage, not morbid curiosity, not even sympathy. Intellectually I can say that it is "a bad thing." But I can say that about many things.

I tried imagining I had close friends and family in London (and only last week that would've been true). Still nothing.

Surely I should feel something? Everyone else seems to care.

Given that I am hanging out with the-friend-most-sensitive-to-terrorist-bombings tonight, I need to do something about this unacceptable apathy.

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Prior to this spread I was thinking about how to reconcile various aspects of my schizophrenic self. Mostly prompted by the Hotel Rwanda realisation that I am a bad global citizen. For example how do I reconcile the following (seemingly) conflicting beliefs:

• How to reconcile the me-first, life is about having fun and doing what I like with being aware about what is going on the world and thinking about serious issues and having opinions and taking action?
• Or, how to reconcile the belief that people should do what they like with the belief that other people shouldn't interfere with me doing what I like.
• Or, how to reconcile my belief that I should do what I love and live in my own little rose-coloured universe, but that I should also keep track of the "real" world, which I find quite distressing?
• Or that I think I should have a plan and goals otherwise I will get nowhere but at the same time I also think that I should just let go and the universe will take me where I want to go.
• Or that I get the feeling that I need to hibernate/chrysallise but at the same time I don't want to be completely isolated.

This is just a selection of the conflicting things that are sloshing around in my head. There are MANY others. No wonder I am slightly schizophrenic at the moment.

So, in this state of mind I did the following Celtic Cross reading:

1. The Issue
Playfulness (Page of Fire)
Basically this is the conflict between Serious vs Playful. This card represents the playful. The butterfly emerging from it's chrysalis.
"life is rarely as serious as we believe it to be"
"you have just the right combination of playful innocence and clarity"

Yes. That is EXACTLY the issue. I am chyrsallising and stuck trying to balance seriousness and playfulness and a million other dichotomies. I'm quite sure that I do not have enough clarity though. If I had enough clarity I wouldn't be in this state. I would be out doing whatever it is clear I should be doing.

2. What is Clarifying/Obstructing the Issue
Courage (Strength)
Woop-de-do.

This card keeps reappearing in my spreads. I have been very aware of and resentful of my "strength" and "courage." It seems that the more strength you have the less help you get. I don't want to be the stong one or the brave one or the wise one anymore. It is the weak ones who are offered help and love and protection. I don't want respect and admiration.I just want to be looked after for a while. I hate that it is not going to happen. I hate that I am the only one I can rely on.

It is a dilemma because I can't exactly be less than I am. I need someone who is at least as strong as me. But who the hell is that? I don't think I have ever known anyone like that.

"When we are faced with a very difficult situation we have a choice: we can either be resentful, and try to find something or somebody to blame for the hardships, or we can face the challenge and grow"

Shut up already! I am sick of fucking "growing"!

oops. Sorry...

3. Unconscious Influence
Abundance (King Pentacles)
'The whole man...rich in the body, rich in science, rich in meditation, rich in consiousness"
"If you are a woman, the King of Rainbows brings the support of your own male energies into your life, a union with the soulmate within"

No tarot. I don't feel abundant. I don't feel whole. Isn't that the problem?

4. Conscious Influences
Success (6 Fire)
"Whether they be valleys or peaks, keep in mind that "this too will pass" Celebrate, yes, and keep on riding the tiger"

The card is saying that life comes in waves. There are good times. There are bad times. Celebrate when it is good, but don't expect it to be good all the time. How very irritating.

I wonder if it means that a certain Tiger is influencing me too much or not enough. I only know two tigers. There is Zen Tiger, and there is Bob Tiger. I know for a fact that Bob Tiger has an uncanny influence over me. I think I am addicted to Bob Tiger.

5. Old Patterns
Miser (4 Pentacles)

"This woman has created a fortress around herself and is clinging to all the things she thinks are her treasures. She has accumulated so much stuff she has made herself ugly in the effort"

"This card challenges us to look at what we are clinging to, and what we feel we possess that is so valuable that it needs to be protected by a fortress"

"Loosen your grip and feel the freedom and expansiveness that sharing can bring"

Guilty. My treasures are my dreams, feelings, memories, friends, and connections. Time. Intimacy. Relationships. And most importantly those few people I feel that I click with. Those few who I feel actually get me. And they are all leaving me. It is SO hard not to cling. I am being emptied out. I am almost empty now.

And I have just realised what I value most in this world: connections with people. The stronger and more the intimate the connection, the more I value it. Is that really such a bad thing? Without meaningful connections my life is meaningless. And it is is pretty close to meaningless now.

6. New Patterns
Innocence (Sun)
"The innocence that comes from deep experience of life is childlike, but not childish...it has a quality of wisdom and acceptance of the ever-changing wonder of life"

7. Self: your feelings and attitudes about the issue
Past Lives (Moon)

Karma.

"this is a wake-up call. The events in your life are trying to show you a pattern as ancient as the journey of your soul"

8. Attracting from Outside
Nothingness (Hierophant)
"Being 'in the gap' can be disorienting and very scary. Nothing to hold on to, no sense of direction. , not even a hint of what choices and possibilities lie ahead. It is vibrant with possibilities. It is pure potential."

Being empty is difficult. I keep thinking I am empty, then more is taken away.

Phoenix keeps saying that "Nothing leaves our lives unless something better is coming." I'd like to believe her and sometimes I do believe her. Just not at the moment.

9. Desires/Denials
Ordinariness (8 Pentacles)
"beauty can be found in the simple ordinary things of life"
"You are facing a time now when this easy, natural, utterly ordinary approach to the situations you encounter will bring far better results than any attempt on your part to be brilliant, clever, or otherwise extra-ordinary"

I have always avoided the ordinary. The ordinary scares me a little.

10.Outcome/Key
Thunderbolt (The Tower)
Hahaha!!! Very funny. This card AGAIN! I think the Tower has appeared in almost every spread over the past year or so. And usually in the Outcome/Key position.

"Your sense of security is being challenged, and the natural tendency is to try and hold on to whatever you can. But this inner earthquake is both necessary and tremendously important - if you allow it you will emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experiences"

Well. It is a very long earthquake! And what did I say about not wanting to be stronger?

I'm not sure I like it when the tarot is clear and unquivocable. Some things aren't that pleasant to face up to.
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Billions of free online Sudoku games here (via del.icio.us).

The London Bomb thing? The I first heard about it was after Shihad. I was tempted to write nasty unsensitive unpc things about my inital reaction. I decided it was best to sleep on it. I have been browsing the blogs again this morning. My initial reaction hasn't changed at all. I am still tempted to write nasty unpc things. It is probably best to wait another few hours to see if I come to my senses.

I am going to learn how to play sudoku instead. Maybe that will make me a nice caring person.

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Here is the report of the Shihad gig at the newly re-opened Powerstation. It was a great evening and fantastic value for money.

Kora. Brilliant! Brilliant! Brilliant! I am now officially a Kora fan. Apparently they are funk.dub. But I discerned a few rock/metal influences as well. Great presence and performance. Darren, you would love these guys.

Die Die Die. Unfortunately they seemed to be having instrument tuning issues. Instrument tuning issues always distract me. I can imagine they could be a great live act under other circumstances. They remind me of a younger, angstier, angrier and less stable Franz Ferdinand.


Cog. An Australian rock(ish) band. I thought they were great. Their bass player was very interesting, and the timing in the songs was really interesting too. It sounded VERY tricky to play. They also managed to produce a huge wall of sound for a 3-piece. I will be going to see them when they return in November. They reminded me of The Music. Oh and they covered a Leftfield song.

Shihad. What can I say. Shihad rock. Don't they always?

I do have a mildly interesting story though. We were on the mezzanine level sitting at a table front centre. Shihad were playing. I was distracted with my camera. Here is photographic proof of me being distracted with my camera:

Notice that Jon (the frontman) is not in the picture.

I am blind so I thought he was just in a dark corner of the stage or playing with the crowd or something. I was wrong. At the time I took the photo he must've been running up the stairs because a few seconds later he was jumping on our table. Yes. Frontman playing the guitar while standing on our table. Very rock n roll! And very brave. I wouldn't be entrusting my life and safety to a wobbly bar table and the goodwill of random fans. It was a very wobbly table and it was very close to the edge. I would've taken a photo of Jon Toogood's leg and guitar close up, but I was too busy helping to stabilise the table and trying to avoid the guitar hitting me on the head.

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I have a horrible headache and the rest of me aches. I think my throat might be getting sore.

I am trying to decide whether to go to the Shihad concert tonight, increase my headache, and share my cold with all those rock kids. Or not.

If I go to the concert I will feel compelled to go to work tomorrow no matter how sick I am.

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An excellent time for tarot readings. The two I did last night were spectacularly clear and relevant.

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OK. This is as close as I will get to doing the Respectful Disagreement Meme that Zen Tiger tagged me with. Unless I change my mind. Which, given my current mental state, is quite likely.

In the interests of efficiency and my amusement I am combining it with my template link update and my political paddling.

Yeah. I have finally updated my links. Woohoo!!! About time. I have included a Political Blogs I Like category.

You will notice that the political blogs I like are quite diverse. I read a few others, but the ones in the sidebar are my favourites. In this Meme Morph I get to tell you why. As for the disagreement thing...it is probably best and easiest if you assume that I disagree with all of them.

So in random order. Why I like:

Spanblather. Span rocks. I love her blog. It is just the right mix of thoughtful and entertaining. I disagree pleasantly with many many things and I adore all her quizzes and non-political posts.

TUMEKE!. Tim Selwyn's blog is always interesting. Besides he recently made this fascinating post about political logo feng shui. Now that is my kind of post.

Home, Throne and Altar. "Musings on politics, culture and the Church from a crazy Pentecostal Tory." Now I am not a christian. I don't follow the bible. I am not even religious, except when I dabble in pagan practices. In fact, I am sure I am a very evil person according to many religions. I was banished to the 6th Level of Hell -The City of Dis in Dantes Inferno Hell Test. And apparently Satanism is my most appropriate religion according to another one of those quiz things. But I really like this blog. It is very well written, the authors have integrity, and I agree with a lot more than you'd expect.

GMan Inc. It's Gman's blog! Well...not the Gman I know like I first thought. But the gmen are surprisingly similar.

About Town. Surrealism. But more importantly flickr! Aboutown has some cool photos. Check out this lightning photo.

Sir Humphrey's. Sometimes I am intensely annoyed by the posts here. Sometimes I am amused. Sometimes I am baffled. Sometimes I learn something. And sometimes I even agree with the odd post. Regardless, it is always an entertaining place with interesting authors and interesting commenters.

Jimmy Jangles. This is probably not really a political blog, but I stumbled across it when I was thinking about politics so it is now and forever categorised with my political blogs. I like it because it is entertaining, it has lots of music related posts, it doesn't have too many political posts and most importantly because Mr Jangles' profile reads "Head like a hole, black as your soul, I'd rather die than give you control..."

Not PC. PC is very prolific so I don't actually get a chance to read all his posts. He says interesting things that make me think and he regularly posts art. I love the art.

David Farrar. DPF posts succintly and frequently. Plus he is one of the blogelite of NZ. This means that all I need to do to figure out 90% what the NZ Political blogosphere is chattering about is to scan this blog. Excellent!

frogblog. The Green Party blog. I disagree with 90% of the Green Party policies, but I am also a greenie at heart. This is a well-written blog and the frog is always gracious, even to the nasty rude rabid right-wingers.

Just Left. Jordan Carter's blog. Lots of interesting posts. Lots of debate. And Jordan also seems to be a very gracious bloghost in spite of the "interesting" commenters. I like "gracious."
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I have just seen Hotel Rwanda.

Wow.

I don't know what to say. I am speechless. This movie actually changed me.

I'm not sure if I am blown away because it was a brilliant movie or because I am shocked at myself. I guess it doesn't matter.

I am shocked that I knew almost nothing of the Rwandan genocide and that the world just let it happen. But more importantly I am starting to wonder what other unacceptable things are happening while I am conveniently ignoring the world and making up silly little problems.

AL, you are right.

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There is only really one post-worthy link today and that is things you can do with rss.

and from that I discovered this useful article on dose that tells you:

how-to post your comments on other blogs, back to your own site, using an rss feed of:
del.icio.us/YOURNAME/mycomments

I will add it to my list of things to do with my blog. Which means it will be shelved indefinately.

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There is this disagreement meme thing that I have been tagged with. I have to name three people I disagree with and say something nice about them.

Unfortunately my first thought is that I don't disagree with anyone (which is not the same thing as saying I agree with everyone). I am not *that* sort of blogger. Besides, most of my opinions are very malleable. I guess I just need to figure out those things that I am stubborn and blinkered about. Suggestions from the ether are most welcome.

I wonder if they have to be bloggers?

I could change it to three people I agree with and say something nasty about them. But then maybe that's not a good idea.

Actually. Now that I think about it, some of my favourite real life people are also the most annoying. I disagree with them quite intensely. Now if I could just remember what it is I disagree with them about...

In real life I disgaree with:
Dr Black - believes that everyone is materialistic and calculating. I disagree.
Tree Boy - thinks that anything unscientific is a load of rubbish. I disagree.
Dr G Ripps - thinks that everything works out if you just drift and let others decide the direction of your life. I disagree.

Dr Black, Tree Boy, and Dr G Ripps are some of my favourite people in the world. I adore them all. They rock. Literally. I am very very picky about people I like, and even pickier about "favourites." I have very few favourites. So I think this qualifies as something nice.

I will do this properly after I do some blogosphere research.


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Lush Suze spent Friday night getting totally trashed. She didn't sleep at all until mid-morning Saturday, by which time she was an emotional wreck.

Dancer Suze has hurt her knee. It aches sometimes when she is sitting still. And it is sometimes agonising when she walks (all Suzes have a very high pain tolerance). She thinks that either Dancer Suze hurt it when she was pirouetting around her apartment or that Lush Suze hurt it when her head was spinning.

Geek Suze tried downloading Google Earth at home, then stopped when she realised that 500Kb of free disk space is much much less than the minimum requirements of 200Mb of free disk space. Then she started downloading Google Earth at work before realising she only has 20 Mb of free disk space at work. Geek Suze is not all that geeky. Not only would a real geek have realised these things instantly, a real geek would have a computer that meets these minimum requirements.

Pathetic Spinster Suze was a little over-emotional this weekend. Partly because of Lush Suze's antics on Friday night. Pathetic Spinster Suze spent the waking alone hours of the weekend crying and being depressed. She is also a little annoyed at the fact that people are feeling sorry for and suggesting that she set up a mutual just-separated friend when she has been single forever and no one feels sorry for her or tries to help Pathetic Spinster Suze with her love life.

Rock Chick Suze has bought a ticket for the Shihad concert on Thursday. She has also decided to track down her bass rig and bring it home. It is difficult being a Rock Chick without a loud bass rig.

The-Only-Beer-I-Like-Is-Guiness Suze has discovered she is wrong. She has discovered that she also likes Monteiths Warming Winter Ale which is all spicy and cinnamony.

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Zen Tiger made an interesting comment about the appearance thing on my Women's Magazines post.

I was going to reply but then I realised that perhaps we are not really talking about the same thing and that perhaps other people wouldn't understand why I "overreact" to negative comments about our Prime Minister's appearance. I understand that the underlying intent of the comments was to highlight the perceived fakeness of the PM. I'd probably agree with the intent, but the nature of the comments distracted me.

I will try and explain where I am coming from. I'm not sure if other people feel the same way as I do. Maybe I'm just a freak.


Harsh comments are fine. I don't have anything against harsh comments. It's just that I will sometimes overreact to them. I tend to personalise certain topics and certain comments. In particular the frequent negative comments about appearance and childlessness.

For example, this is how the "Woman Supposedly Our Prime Minister" post plays out in my head:

1. I see photos of Helen Clark not looking her best (ie looking like a normal person) and a photo of her looking like she is going out for a nice evening. I think that the "bad" photo of her is not that bad. I think I look worse than that. I think the "good" photo looks a bit fake. The makeup artist has gone overboard and she doesn't look like Helen. Still I think it looks very nice. I very rarely look that good and that's only when I too have a team of makeup artists and hair stylists.

2. Then I read these comments about Helen's appearance:

"A rottwieler in drag!"
"Still a dog"
"Pages with PM pictures, my lunch is coming back up..."
"Our Prime Minister, supposedly a woman..."

3. I feel like complete crap. It has nothing to do with Helen or politics. It has everything to do with me feeling like an ugly dog.

4. I know I shouldn't take it personally. But I can't help it. It is very difficult to not follow through with the logic: I look worse than Helen. All these people think Helen looks like a dog. They must think I look like a dog.

5. So when people say that appearance doesn't matter. I just think...LIES!!! Appearance matters. Especially if you are female.

6. Then I get depressed because I am not a hot blonde and I am going to be alone for ever.

You might want to tell me not to be so sensitive. That is like telling me not to be me. That is like saying I am over-sensitive ugly dog.

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covers broken
i never listened
sober
open
thoughts
and I never listened

where is the focus?

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Apparently our Prime Minister Helen Clark is on the cover of one of those women's magazines. There is a pretty picture at Sir Humphreys. Apparently this is interesting and/or amusing political information. Her photo may or may not have been airbrushed. I am totally confused by the fuss. Aren't magazine covers pretty much always airbrushed? And what about makeup? Makeup can do wonders and make you look completely different. Most of my modelling pictures do not look like me and there was no retouching at all.

Anyway, if I was going to be on the cover of a women's magazine (I imagine it pays quite well) then I'd want to be made up and airbrushed to not look like me too.

Of course, if I was going to be on the cover of a magazine I would prefer that it was something like Rolling Stone or Time. In which case I would have a team of makeup artists and stylists and retouchers who would be able to make me look like a better more "natural" version of me.

I think I might go play with my makeup now. I haven't played dress-ups for years.

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Google Earth seems very popular. I guess it would be really cool if you don't work with 3D visualizations and satellite images regularly.

Maybe I should download it. But I will have to wait until they have reenabled downloads.

I am in no rush though. It is a little too similar to work and my thesis for me to be all enthused.

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