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Friday, March 31, 2006

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Found at Zen State and ALTG. I'm sure I've done this one before.

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.
Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.

You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.

Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul.

What Kind of Soul Are You?
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Thursday, March 30, 2006


I am very pleased with myself today. I have made progress. No not in the whole what am I doing with my life thing, but it's best not to be too picky about such things.

My program works!
Well as much as I intended to have working anyway. And ahead of time! I thought I'd be lucky to get this far by next Tuesday. It is all very: click on the button and something happens and only very rarely will there be an unexplained error. Hmmm... error handling...

I have a connecting thingy!
My laptop is connected to my stereo and so I can play a quarter of my music collection at will and hear it through non-laptop speakers. This is not so important right now, but when I am trapped on the tropical island with nothing to do it could become very important.

My duty free allowance is full!
I'm not buying alcohol but I don't like going overseas and not bringing in any alcohol. Usually I just ignore my intentions and end up buying something. Not this time. I have found a friend who wants lots of alcohol. So I will be able to go alcohol shopping, which I love, and not spend any money, which I think I don't have.

I had salad for breakfast/lunch/dinner!
Not 3 separate meals. I've only had the one breakfast/lunch/dinner meal today (I know I know but I'm not hungry). I really love Salad Works. It's my new favourite food place. It's like subway in that you choose the ingredients. It's not like subway in that you pay for each thing you add to the salad. Salad Works salads are quite expensive, but they are delicious with fresh high quality ingredients and the servings are very generous.

I have $200 more than I thought I did!
Which is really really good right now because I have absolutely no spare cash and two trips overseas. Although I am a little concerned I may have forgotten about something and I don't actually have a spare $200..
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blame the planets

For the astrological:

My natal horoscope is very integrated. Most planets are interconnected by a seemingly balanced aspect pattern.

Anyway I just noticed that Neptune (confused, spiritual, foggy) and Pluto (intense, energy, transformative, obsessive, dark) are just (ie over the past few years and peaking recently) hitting key points in my chart. At the moment, Pluto is pretty much exactly conjunct Mars and nearly square Pluto. Neptune is slowly making its way through the rather crowded and heavily aspected/integrated stellium near my Ascendant. Every planet except Venus is being affected by the transiting Neptune and/or Pluto.

No wonder I am confused and intense and moody and over-energised. And because Neptune and Pluto are slow pokes, I have years of confusing dreamy intense challenges and transformations ahead of me. Lovely.
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Wednesday, March 29, 2006

mr marmalade

I went to see Mr Marmalade at the Silo Theatre.

I thought it was good. But it was intense. Way too intense for me at the moment. I would've enjoyed it more if I had been in a less sensitive state. I'd forgotten that live theatre gets to me. I'm going to be awake all night.

Anyway, I thought it was an interesting and cool play. I'd recommend seeing it if you like quirky and/or theatre, aren't easily offended and if you aren't overly sensitive to energy (which I am at the moment).

"Four year old Lucy’s imaginary world revolves around her imaginary friend and husband Mr. Marmalade, a bi-polar cocaine addict suit, who never has time for the child who adores him. Her real world, though, seems even crazier until she meets 5-year-old Larry, New Jersey’s youngest suicide survivor."
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music music everywhere...

so far: 2819 items, 235 albums, 8.3 days, 14.6Gb ...

... and I don't think I am even halfway!

I am putting my music collection onto my lovely new laptop. Unfortunately I think my lovely new laptop's harddrive may burst before I get to the end.

And I haven't even started on the photos! And of course I want lots of free disk space at any time.

60Gb was definitely not enough. And I remember Bob saying... you'll be fine with 60Gb, there is no need to my more memory. Hmmph!

Obviously I am going to have to buy an external harddrive. Can anyone recommend anything? My main requirements are portable, robust (ie able to withstand me dropping it and tossing it into my handbag), reliable, pretty, small, fast, >=60Gb. Ideally it would be excellent value for money, but price is not the main factor.

It is very cool going through my entire music collection. I keep discovering great music that I have completely forgotten about. My current rediscovered favourite is Jeff Buckley. Specifically Grace. I love that album. How could I have forgotten it existed?

And it is also very cool having my entire music collection on random shuffle at work. I am discovering some songs for hte first time! Because, you know how when you buy a cd you very rarely listen to the whole cd? I must have hundreds of songs I've never heard before. I think I even have some entire cds I've never heard before.

I am looking forward to the discoveries and re-discoveries that await...
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Tuesday, March 28, 2006

tarot reading


The first card, the significator, is placed in the center of the cross. This card represents the prime energy manifest in your life. Mystery (High Priestess): Relying on your intuitive abilities and listening to inner wisdom. Unexplained or mysterious energies at work. Issues of sexuality. Feeling a sense of divine protection. Guarding your territory. Look around you for instructive omens and portents. Attraction to or advice from a wise woman.

The second card, placed above the significator, represents Air. It describes your spirit, process of thought, and the influence of reason. Eight of Music - Discontent (8 Cups), when reversed: Freedom from disappointment and dissatisfaction. The release of repressed emotions and distress. Being unphased by circumstances. Emotional stability in the face of challenge. Serenity. In the creative process: Psychodrama and emotional torments can serve as imaginative stimulants. Expressing and documenting what you feel can be artful as well as healing.

The third card, placed to the right of the significator, represents Fire. It describes your motivations, creative energies, and the influence of passion. Child of Science (Page of Swords): Searching for truth or knowledge. Figuring out a plan or stratagem. Questioning everything. Looking inside yourself for deeper information. Building on a classical or time-tested approach. A time for research and information-gathering. Skillful use of tools and technology. Curiosity. In the creative process: Doing feasibility studies or reorganizing your approach is favored now. Be curious and question everything.

The fourth card, placed below the significator, represents Water. It describes your emotions, meditations, and the influence of love. Four of Science - Repose (4 Swords), when reversed: Self-absorbed solitude or seclusion. Forced withdrawal. Brooding about something. Depleted or fatigued by stress. Avoiding action by drifting. In the creative process: Allow new insights to surface by becoming more fluid and letting go of mental demands and pressures.

The fifth card, placed to the left of the significator represents Earth. It describes your physical presence, position in life, and the influence of the material world. Three of Music - Exuberance (3 Cups): "Exuberance is Beauty". Sense of emotional expansion. Something that makes you sing for joy. Intense desire for creative expression. A cause for lively celebration. Plunging into creative new territory. Getting people excited about your idea. Supportive alliances or relationships. Entertaining gatherings, performances, meetings, get-togethers. In the creative process: Exciting and joyous progress is taking place; blow your horn!

At this point the cross is complete and the triangle is formed. The sixth card, placed on the bottom left of the triangle represents one of two opposing forces. Six of Science - Passage (6 Swords), when reversed: Going to undue lengths to avoid surmountable obstacles. Movement without progress. Challenges imposed or undertaken without purpose or meaning. The illusion that new terrain bears nothing in common with the old. Latent possibilities are occluded or confused. Opportunities are overlooked. In the creative process: Your imagination needs to be uncovered or unleashed by resolving contradictory elements and seeking spiritual guidance.

The seventh card, placed on the bottom right of the triangle represents the force that opposes the bottom left card. These forces may be external, but they are frequently one's own inner archetypes in conflict. Knowledge (Lovers): An important, possibly moral choice to be made. Be discriminating with advice from others. Deep insight into a relationship or one's own involvement in a relationship. A need to integrate all levels of consciousness within oneself. An opportunity for intimacy and open communications.

The eighth card, the reconciler, is placed below the cross in the third vertex of the triangle. This is the force that will resolve the conflict between the bottom left and bottom right cards. By meditating on this force and bringing more of it into your life, you can bring the matter at hand to a swifter conclusion than would naturally occur. Ace of Painting - Generation (Ace of Pentacles): A tangible impetus to creative action. Generating new forms. Putting your plan into action. New projects and works. A provocative opening. Powerful elements of sensuality and sexuality coming into play. Focus on fertility and virility. In the creative process: This is when you tap into the elemental and generative forces of life, using your inner vision to create new and exciting forms with which to work.

The ninth and final card, placed in the center bottom of the triangle, represents the final outcome unless you change course. Man of Poetry (King of Wands): "To justify the ways of God to Man". Shedding of protections and pretenses. Clearing away darkness to boldly reveal the truth. Applying foresight and generosity of spirit to challenging circumstances. Overcoming your ego to act as a master of spiritual expression. Taking the authority to assert how things will be done. Possessing mature and well-tested vision, but a tendency to be rigid. In the creative process: When you see the whole picture of your project, you can take charge to boldly direct it toward achieving its divine potential.
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agency confusion

I'm confused. I got a very high score for agency in the personality test directly below. In other words I believe that I believe I have control over my life.

The confusing thing is that Bob, who is telling me to do stuff (as opposed to twittering and dithering) has a very low agency score. Meaning he supposedly believes in fate and luck.

So. If you believe in fate and luck then why would your advice to me "do something"? Surely whatever I do doesn't matter?

I'm not saying that it "do something" bad advice and I'm not saying that I don't do anything. I'm just puzzled.
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Sunday, March 26, 2006

another personality quiz

thanks Zen!

Considerate Creator

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the important questions

What do I really really really want?

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Friday, March 24, 2006

a quote

A metaphysician is a man who goes into a dark cellar at midnight without a light looking for a black cat that is not there.
- Baron Bowen
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where giving up takes you

"Just Watch The Fireworks" by Jimmy Eat World

Here you can be anything.
I think that scares you.
I've been here before but only by myself.
What giving up gives you and where giving up takes you.
I've had and I've been.
Here in center frame, there's only air.
Just enough space to fit.
I said it out loud over and over but what do I know.
I said it out loud but it did not help.
I'll stop now.
Just so I can hear you I stay up as late as it takes, as long as it takes.
I promised I'd see it again.
I promised I'd see this with you now.
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Thursday, March 23, 2006

what happened to stranger danger?

All of a sudden people are approaching me. Random strangers. Smiling, asking directions, and the latest and funniest:

Them (very earnest and young): "Excuse me. Are you a Christian?"
Me: No. (I smile cause the idea is funny)
Them: "Do you want to go and study the Bible?"
Me: No thank you. (smiling and thinking WTF? They need to do better than that. That is not very appealing or convincing.)

They looked kind of lost and surprised when I walked away.

Anway, I don't get why people are approaching me now. They didn't use to. I used to be able to walk around the city and not have anyone bother me. Now, just when I am feeling extremely emotional and confused, with tense chaotic energy leaking everywhere, everyone wants to come up and chat. And most of the time (ie when they are not earnest and young and amusing) I just want to snarl and bite their heads off.
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Wednesday, March 22, 2006

i like surprises..

I really do like surprises. It's just that I am very rarely genuinely surprised. Very rarely. Oh sometimes I pretend to be surprised just for fun or for the purposes of not disappointing someone...but a real surprise? A real shock? I can't recall the last real shocker.

Perhaps that is why I am so confused and stopped dead in my tracks right now. A few days ago Bob surprised me. Although perhaps "shocked" is a better word. He is one of the few unpredictable people in my life. Perhaps that is why I like him so much. I was all mad and upset with him and he goes and does the exact opposite of what I expected and what I planned for him to do.

So now I am completely confused. And I have absolutely no idea what to do, which never happens!

About the only clear thing in any of this is that suze plans never work.
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David's band is playing at CBGB!

Cool huh?

Of course, now CBGB is forever doomed to make me go GRRRR!

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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

cord cutting

Well I am confused and overwhelmed with all these feelings/energies.

Time for some cord cutting I think.

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Monday, March 20, 2006


I have been thinking. I believe in honesty. But where do you draw the line?

If I told people every little flicker of thought and emotion that passed my mind we'd all go crazy.

When is witholding truth lying and when is it considerate?

And how much information is too much information? There are some things that hurt to know but surely it is better to know than not.

And I haven't arrived at any answers. I don't think I have even arrived at the questions. And that's why this post is a vague messy nothing.
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Saturday, March 18, 2006

...and you will know us by the trail of dead

I really like this band. They have a cool name.

AllMusic says they are: Visceral, Aggressive, Hypnotic, Trippy, Freewheeling, Raucous,
Ambitious, Intense, Fiery, Cathartic, Volatile.

I liked Source Tags and Codes, but I love their latest album Worlds Apart, especially the songs Caterwaul and The Summer of '91.

And just how long did it take for you to understand
Where your feelings stopped and writing began...

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Thursday, March 16, 2006

my celebrity faces

This face recognition thing (via Sir Humphreys) is quite amusingly distracting. Especially if you are like me and have hundreds of photos of yourself.

Unfortunately most of my hundreds of photos of me are on an angle or from a weird perspective or I have strange things painted on my face and therefore they are unrecognisable as photos of faces.

The results are a bit confusing and they vary quite a lot depending on the photo. I can look very different in different photos, which is not helpful in determining which celebrity I most resemble. I also found that for each photo I got a lot of celebrities with the same score. And there were some very strange results I must say,

It seems that Halle Berry, Christy Turlington, Denise Richards and Aishwarya Rai (who?!) recur the most frequently with the highest scores for the photos of me that are "normal."

Details below.

Basic Photo
Sophie Marceau 74%
Halle Berry 73%
Lauren Bacall 73%
Tyra Banks 71%
Christy Turlington 70%
Denise Richards 68%
Jennifer Lopez 67%
Sharon Stone 66%
Eva Longria 64%

Shannon Elizabeth 74%
Natalie Imbruglia 73%

Kajol 74%
Natalie Portman 71%
Diane Kruger 71%
Cybil Shepherd 71%
Bebe Neuwirth 71%
Bipasha Basu 71%

Amassador Bar
Melanie Chishom 76%
Christy Turlington 75%
Drew Barrymore 75%
Denise Richards 75%
Kirsten Dunst 75%
Halle Berry 74%
Aishwayriay Rai 74%
Alyssa Milano 74%
Jean Marlow 74%
Ingrid Bergman 74%

Heather Graham 73%
Kate Beckinsdale 72%
Uma Thurman 71%
Aishwayriay Rai 70%
Halle Berry 68%
Katie Homes 68%

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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

To Have Without Holding

I really like this poem by Marge Piercy (I have liked all her poems I have read). It starts like this:
To Have Without Holding

Learning to love differently is hard,
love with the hands wide open, love
with the doors banging on their hinges,
the cupboard unlocked, the wind
roaring and whimpering in the rooms
rustling the sheets and snapping the blinds
that thwack like rubber bands
in an open palm.
You can read the rest of it here.

Bob likes the poem. Of course he would. He is not wide open and stretched, he is the one thriving and floating.
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recent comments?

Have these disappeared? I can't see them at all.
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do you think in words?

I have a tendency to take artistic license with my words. I like playing with words. I often choose the word that sounds or looks best over the word that actually means what I am saying. Cause you know what I am saying anyway don't you? And I am only writing to please myself and I like things to be aesthetic.

Maybe I over-estimate other people's perceptive ability, Maybe I am just lazy. Itt's the same when I listen to or read other people's words. I usually interpret what they are saying based on the feeling I get...not only from the specific words they use.

And I guess I also throw in the occassional word to provoke. It's not always deliberate...sometimes provocative words sneak in when I'm not looking.

And then sometimes, well no, it is more like a lot of the time there are no words to explain what I mean. Because I don't think in words. I am not sure what I think in - it is something like feelings and ideas and concepts.

This is why if you ask me what I am thinking I can't answer. It is less that I don't know what I am thinking (I am usually VERY clear about what I think but then I understand my thought feeling clouds) and more like "what I am thinking looks/feels like this." I sometimes visualise "this" as an amorphous, continually evolving cloud that has a particular feeling. It is not verbal and it is not visual. If I want to communicate my ideas then I have to translate a feeling thought cloud into words. It is not easy. So I often don't on the spur of the moment. And when I do try I often get the words wrong because words aren't really very much like feeling thought clouds at all.

And yet I also find that my thoughts evolve and clarify as I write. I very rarely know what I am going to write before I write it. And I like to write. It is soothing and grounding and I learn an awful lot about myself. And it makes the though feeling clouds disperse or solidify and generally easier to manage.

And so, I still haven't gotten around to writing my opinion on abortion, but I note there are more posts at various blogs about it. I will have to read them properly and try and translate my abortion thought feeling clouds into aesthetic and accurate words. Or maybe, I will just settle for aesthetic provocative words. They are the best words.
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Quiz: What American City Are You?

You Are Austin

A little bit country, a little bit rock and roll.

You're totally weird and very proud of it.

Artistic and freaky, you still seem to fit in... in your own strange way.

Famous Austin residents: Lance Armstrong, Sandra Bullock, Andy Roddick

What American City Are You?

via ALTG
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Sunday, March 12, 2006


The abortion debate has started up (again) at Sir Humphreys.

I have been following it bemused. People get so het up about this topic. No one seems to actually change anyone else's mind either.

Sometimes I comment but I don't think I think on the same wavelength as everyone else. It is pointless and no fun when no one understands where I'm coming from. People have such set ideas, and I don't care enough to try and change anyone else's mind.

No. That's wrong. I do care, but I just think that the people who endlessly debate abortion are probably not the ones who a) will change their mind or b) would benefit from having their minds changed.

It seems that those who debate the topic want to influence the law. Thats all very nice and stuff but for someone like me, who doesn't take any notice of the law when it comes to important things, the law is not all that relevant. I am sure there will be abortions regardless of whether it is legal or not.

Oh and apparently I might be a moral relativist, which is apparently a bad thing. I think that's kind of funny!
Continue reading...

Saturday, March 11, 2006

tarot reading

I'm not overly impressed with this reading. The present and future sound like hard work and not much fun. A lot like the past really.

An important element of the past. Eight of Wands reversed:

Learning a valuable lesson from the unexpected consequences of prior decisions. Narrowly escaping criticism, censure, and the imposition of external restrictions. Focusing on the crux of a problem and freeing oneself from a difficult situation. Coming to grips with a past failure or humiliation and moving on.

A deciding element of the present. Seven of Pentacles:
A pause to check on the progress of your labors. Making difficult financial decisions. Exercising patience and perseverance. Evaluating the status of your work and your options for the future.

A critical element of the future. Five of Wands reversed:
Refusing to achieve success through personal degradation. Friendship maintained through the abandonment of a dishonorable gain. Slander and infamy avoided.
Continue reading...

Friday, March 10, 2006


I really liked this movie. I was fascinated and a little disturbed (only a little, it is not a "disturbing" movie in the way that other people would be disturbed). I actually liked it better than Brokeback. It is darker and more internal. And it reminded me of someone.

Manipulation. Lies.


I can see that some people would find it tedious. I didn't. Yes it is slow...but I was enthralled from beginning to end.

And I learnt a whole lot of stuff.
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Thursday, March 09, 2006


David tagged me with the Meme of Fours. Results below:

Four jobs I've had:

Gymnastics Coach

Four movies I can watch over and over:

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
The Princess Bride
The Sound of Music
The Chocolate Factory Movie its Willy WOnka or Charlie and I can't be bothered googling.

Four places I've lived:

Suva, Fiji
Auckland, NZ
Wellington, NZ
That's it.

Four TV shows I love:

Battlestar Galactica (new and old)
The Gilmore Girls
America's Next Top Model

Four highly regarded and recommended TV shows I haven't seen:

Desperate Housewives (but I don't believe it)
Thats all. People don't usually recommend TV shows to me cause they know I don't watch it and I don't read reviews.

Four of my favorite dishes:

Golden Queen peaches
Fish & chips from the Mangonui fish & chip shop

Four sites I visit daily:

Do gmail and bloglines count?

Four Places I've Vacationed:

I don't vacation. I have been forced (by parents) to vacation in many NZ locations.

Four albums I can't live without:

Tool - Aenima
QOTSA - Songs for the deaf
Deftones - White Pony
Smashing Pumpkins - Siamese Dream

Four places I'd rather be right now:

Cocktail party
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Wednesday, March 08, 2006

something wonderful: sarong theorems

Thanks to David at ALTG I have found this iridescent site. The Sarong Theorem Archive is "an electronic archive of images of people proving theorems while wearing sarongs."


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Monday, March 06, 2006


fav person + coromandel + weekdays + driving in mother's little silver hatchback with just a tape player and mother type tapes

of course there are differences too:
small ones (elvis tape vs cliff richard tape)
and larger ones (the vibe, who the fav person is, who I am)

I wonder if this is one of the coincidences/signs I asked the Universe for? If it is, then it is a pretty vague sort of sign. Universe, please make the signs more specific and obvious please. Thank you.
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I think that Golden Queen peaches might be my favourite food. I have had 12 in the past two days. I could easily eat more. I wonder how many I can eat before they make me sick?

I like peaches better than chocolate, biscuits, chips, and practically everything else.

It is just such a pity that they have such a short season.
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Taking photos

This poor guy was trying to get a photo of Cathedral Cove without any people in the way.

He must've been waiting for ages.

I'm not so fussy.

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