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Sunday, July 17, 2005

Bed & Suits

Lazing in bed is wonderful. I have spent practically the whole weekend from Friday afternoon until now in bed. And I am going back to bed as soon as I finish writing this post.

Although I did get up and dressed to go shopping for a couple of hours. I went to a mall. I hate malls. Especially on the weekend. It was worth it though because I bought a suit on sale. It is a charcoal grey stretch/Italian wool pant suit. I am not sure why I need a suit. In fact I don't need a suit at this very moment. But I have been attempting to follow my intuition and in this case it was screaming BUY! at me. So I did. It will be interesting to see what the future holds for that suit.

I should (ha!) probably have bought a shirt too. They were very cheap. But I have learnt the shirt lesson which is: DO NOT buy a shirt that requires ironing. You KNOW you will only wear it once.
Some people can do the ironing thing. I can't. I hate it and it seems so pointless.

Why am I writing about spending all weekend in bed? Well I am finding it interesting, that something keeps forcing me to take more and more time for myself. Ostensibly I intend to use this time to meditate on and re-evaluate my life, make lists, and make plans. I keep thinking "my life is a mess, I need to set aside time to "fix" it". However, in reality I just use this spare time to sleep and cry and laze and mope. I could be doing other productive things like housework, T, hanging out with friends, going out, painting, writing, reading, making jewellery, surfing the web, blogging, exercise etc... but I don't.

Anyway, now I am thinking that perhaps what I really need at the moment is to sleep and cry and laze and mope. It feels right.

Oh...and I asked the Universe for a sign/omen about what I should do. It was a bit slow on producing the omen (or I was impatient or expecting something different) so I did a tarot reading. Again...it was very clear and it coincided with advice from a friend. Actually the advice from the friend could've been the sign...I guess I was expecting something more obtuse. Or maybe I was wanting something easier. The advice from the friend and the tarot is quite scary.

Goodness I miss the days when I could lie in bed all weekend long.

However, the universe never really spoke to me, at least not in a voice I could recognize as such.
What was the advice, Suze?
The advice:
stop trying to be someone you're not
stop doing things you know are wrong for you
stop hanging out with people who are bad for you
stop being so sensible and responsible
stop being so aloof
stop being so stupid about myself
stop moping and over-analysing and self-obsessing
make exciting plans for the future
take a chance
drink more alcohol
hang out with wacky people
open up to people and trust people
start doing things outside your comfort zone
even if those things are irresponsible and even if people/society wouldn't approve
stop dithering about it and jump

I won't go into details here, but the jump is quite big...it is a whole new personality and a whole new life.
anonymous was me
Wow. A jump into the void.

A bit more piece of advice. Don't drop all your protection instincts. And the way to conquer fear of the void is to decide you want to do what you are afraid of. It gets rid of the fight or flight reaction.

I could probaby go into more detail, except my mind is not working very well - have migraine and a dislexic effect. Very annoying.
Hey Lucyna,

Yeah. The Void. Eeek!!!!

I have very good protection instincts, so I have been slowly edging closer.

Thank you for your excellent advice. I had been wondering if my protection instincts were holding me back and just getting in the way. But I am still a little unsure.

I hope your migraine goes away quickly. I have only ever had a migraine once, and it was a struggle to form a sentence, let alone write intelligently!
Hi again! Funny migraine symptoms gone now, am only left with the headache, so I can think again!

I've done the void jump a number of times, and it's only scary if you don't want to do it. Good luck, just don't drink too much! :) And stay away from drugs. Do the jump consciously.
Hmmm...I will dither a little longer.

Did you ever regret the jump?
No regrets. :)
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