Thursday, May 12, 2005
Popularity or Respect?
David from ALTG asked an interesting question. Given the choice, would you prefer to be liked or respected?
I immediately said I would rather be liked. Other people said they didn't care whether people liked them and that they just worked on liking and respecting themselves. Those other answers are cool answers. They seem like the right answers. In comparison my answer seems shallow.
Why is it that I automatically think that wanting people to like me is the wrong answer? Why does it seem that I shouldn't care what other people think? Maybe it's my regular diet of self-help books/dogma.
Through some lucky fluke (because it certainly wasn't the self-help books), I don't have to work on liking and respecting myself. I have always liked and respected myself. It is harder for me to like and respect other people. But that's irrelevant to the question.
I would choose popularity over respect because:
I think I would always choose being liked over being respected. Living in a world where no one liked me would be very lonely and loneliness is something I struggle enough with even when there are people who like me. There is no point in making the loneliness thing harder than it already is.
I Can't Control My Popularity
I tend to think of respect from others as something I can control to a certain extent. I perceive respect as having something to do with the way I behave, the things I say, my attitude. Conversely, I don't believe I have any real control over whether people like me.
BUT...
I Can't Like Someone I Don't Respect
Having spent all this time thinking and changing my mind, and rewriting this, I have just realised that I always respect the people I like. If I don't respect them, then there is no way that I will like them. For me, liking someone and respecting someone are intertwined.
How are people going to like me if they don't respect me? Can other people actually like someone they don't respect?
I immediately said I would rather be liked. Other people said they didn't care whether people liked them and that they just worked on liking and respecting themselves. Those other answers are cool answers. They seem like the right answers. In comparison my answer seems shallow.
Why is it that I automatically think that wanting people to like me is the wrong answer? Why does it seem that I shouldn't care what other people think? Maybe it's my regular diet of self-help books/dogma.
Through some lucky fluke (because it certainly wasn't the self-help books), I don't have to work on liking and respecting myself. I have always liked and respected myself. It is harder for me to like and respect other people. But that's irrelevant to the question.
I would choose popularity over respect because:
- I value popularity more than respect.
- Not being liked makes my struggle with loneliness even more difficult.
- I can't control my popularity.
I Value Popularity More Than Respect
I think the answer to the question depends on your values. I place a very low value on whether other people think highly of me or not. This could be because I have never been in a situation where I did not feel respected. Always having and endless supply of something tends to make you value it less.
I have never really been in a situation where people did not like me. I definitely don't fit in, and I find it very hard to meet people I would want to be close to, but I am not unpopular. People seem to look after me and I don't recall ever being actively disliked. Bob would say this is because I have lived a very sheltered life. Maybe he is right. Nonetheless, for me popularity and respect are intertwined.
I think I would always choose being liked over being respected. Living in a world where no one liked me would be very lonely and loneliness is something I struggle enough with even when there are people who like me. There is no point in making the loneliness thing harder than it already is.
I Can't Control My Popularity
I tend to think of respect from others as something I can control to a certain extent. I perceive respect as having something to do with the way I behave, the things I say, my attitude. Conversely, I don't believe I have any real control over whether people like me.
BUT...
I Can't Like Someone I Don't Respect
Having spent all this time thinking and changing my mind, and rewriting this, I have just realised that I always respect the people I like. If I don't respect them, then there is no way that I will like them. For me, liking someone and respecting someone are intertwined.
How are people going to like me if they don't respect me? Can other people actually like someone they don't respect?
// posted by suze @ 5:06 PM 
Comments:
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I guess it is one of those impossible questions that is different for everyone and includes many different factors.
IS respect an intellectual assessment>
AL: I don't think you answered the original question. I am curious about your answer.
IS respect an intellectual assessment>
AL: I don't think you answered the original question. I am curious about your answer.
# posted by 
: 5/13/2005 12:14:00 AM
: 5/13/2005 12:14:00 AM
Ahhh...I guess I have a different standard/definition for "like". I don't like most people. Social acquaintances tend to be people I don't dislike.
I must also have a different standard/definition for "respect". I don't associate respect soley with intellect/accomplishments.
Anyway, my answer is still I'd rather be liked superficially than respected superficially.
I must also have a different standard/definition for "respect". I don't associate respect soley with intellect/accomplishments.
Anyway, my answer is still I'd rather be liked superficially than respected superficially.
# posted by : 5/13/2005 12:53:00 AM
: 5/13/2005 12:53:00 AM
David:
You can invent whatever you like! Although, I'd be surprised if someone hadn't already invented such a pronoun.
I think I recall reading something on polyamory.org about gender neutral pronouns...
You can invent whatever you like! Although, I'd be surprised if someone hadn't already invented such a pronoun.
I think I recall reading something on polyamory.org about gender neutral pronouns...
# posted by : 5/13/2005 12:59:00 AM
: 5/13/2005 12:59:00 AM
Here it is. The Gender Neutral Pronoun FAQ:
http://www.aetherlumina.com/gnp/
http://www.aetherlumina.com/gnp/
# posted by : 5/13/2005 01:06:00 AM
: 5/13/2005 01:06:00 AM
I know. I surprise myself! I find interesting things in the strangest places.
Although now I'm wondering if I should have browsed the site fully before admitting that I had been there. I'll have to go back and look :)
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Although now I'm wondering if I should have browsed the site fully before admitting that I had been there. I'll have to go back and look :)
# posted by : 5/13/2005 07:51:00 AM
: 5/13/2005 07:51:00 AM << Home
