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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

do you think in words?

I have a tendency to take artistic license with my words. I like playing with words. I often choose the word that sounds or looks best over the word that actually means what I am saying. Cause you know what I am saying anyway don't you? And I am only writing to please myself and I like things to be aesthetic.

Maybe I over-estimate other people's perceptive ability, Maybe I am just lazy. Itt's the same when I listen to or read other people's words. I usually interpret what they are saying based on the feeling I get...not only from the specific words they use.

And I guess I also throw in the occassional word to provoke. It's not always deliberate...sometimes provocative words sneak in when I'm not looking.

And then sometimes, well no, it is more like a lot of the time there are no words to explain what I mean. Because I don't think in words. I am not sure what I think in - it is something like feelings and ideas and concepts.

This is why if you ask me what I am thinking I can't answer. It is less that I don't know what I am thinking (I am usually VERY clear about what I think but then I understand my thought feeling clouds) and more like "what I am thinking looks/feels like this." I sometimes visualise "this" as an amorphous, continually evolving cloud that has a particular feeling. It is not verbal and it is not visual. If I want to communicate my ideas then I have to translate a feeling thought cloud into words. It is not easy. So I often don't on the spur of the moment. And when I do try I often get the words wrong because words aren't really very much like feeling thought clouds at all.

And yet I also find that my thoughts evolve and clarify as I write. I very rarely know what I am going to write before I write it. And I like to write. It is soothing and grounding and I learn an awful lot about myself. And it makes the though feeling clouds disperse or solidify and generally easier to manage.

And so, I still haven't gotten around to writing my opinion on abortion, but I note there are more posts at various blogs about it. I will have to read them properly and try and translate my abortion thought feeling clouds into aesthetic and accurate words. Or maybe, I will just settle for aesthetic provocative words. They are the best words.

I'd say I usually think in words, unless I'm thinking about something mathematical, in which case I'll see numbers or lines or what have you.

When I write, I also generally don't know what I'm going to write until it comes out. I'll have a general idea, but what my fingers actually end up typing can be very different than what I thought they might have been going to say. Which is, I suppose, a reason why I will sometimes re-read what I've written many times over after I finish writing. And also why sometimes when I re-read something long after I've written it, I surprise myself. "Wow, I wrote that? Cool."
It's a sound; a rythm and a feeling for me. A form of concordance that reads and sounds well.
My big problem is that I can't save the thoughts I have away from the computer. When I get to it, my thoughts disperse and I can't catch them again. Last night I started with handwriting in bed, but it still wasn't the same. I need the ability to do a brain dump of my most recent thoughts.
David, how's the novel going? Do you plan that more than other writing?
Lucyna, does what you handwrite differ from what you type?

I find that when I write something by hand it flows better and I think less and rewrite less. The pen/pencil feels similar in a way to the paintbrush whereas the keyboard is quite different for me.
It is different, but it's not fast enough. I used to be able to just churn out stuff in front of the computer. Probably can't anymore because what I generally write about is not what I'm good at. I'm trying to write something on abortion right now, and it's definately easier, but ... it's like my audience is not compatible with how I write best, if that makes sense.
Yep...that makes sense.

Do you mean the SH audience?

Do you mean your audience is not compatible with your best writing style or with the topics you write best?
Actually, to answer your question, handwriting gets my thoughts in order, but I tend not to use what I write (generally can't read it). It's like it brings whatever into a more accessible form so I can then use the computer.
Yes, the SH audience is not compatible with how I write best.
I mean the topics. Sorry, just in ad breaks for Lost.
The novel is fairly dormant for the time being. The time and mental energy I would have spent on that have completely been given over to the band stuff. It's a shame in a way, because I'm about halfway through the novel, and I really should finish it, but the need in my life that writing was fulfilling is now being much better fulfilled with making music.

As far as typing versus handwriting, for me typing on the computer is completely second nature. Things flow effortlessly, and I'm able to get my thoughts down almost as quickly as they appear in my head. Which can mean more editing and revision, but ultimately it's still much more effective for me than handwriting, which is slow and tedious and not at all natural for me.

When I was writing my novel, at first, I let the creativity flow without having any idea where it was going. Things just happened, and I let them. I got to a point, however, where I needed to stop and think about what was going to happen next, if this was going to be an actual novel and not just a ramble. So at that point, I did start planning it out, somewhat. I know now the general structure that the rest of the story is going to follow, but I don't know what each individual scene is going to be. I work those things out paragraph by paragraph...
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