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Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Shrinking Goal Strangeness

Warning: Even I think this post is rather strange, extremely self-centered and extremely boring for 99.9% of the population.

Recap. According to my intuition, this is what I am supposed to be doing: stopping, letting go, doing nothing. Giving up on the goals and life planning silliness. Letting myself be directed by life, the universe and everything.

Not permanently of course, just for the moment. And I'm not sure why exactly, but I trust that it is for a good reason.

Anyway here are some observations from about a week of attempting this:
1. I am noticing a whole lot more synchronicities and coincidences. I don't know if that's because there actually are more or if it's just because I am noticing more.

2. There seems to be a higher rate of turnover of experiences and opportunities. The more I say no, the more possibilities surface. It is kind of like that game show whose name I can't remember. You know where all these prizes go around on a carousel and the contestant gets to keep whatever they can remember. What WAS it called? I think an expert came in and demonstrated a task and the contestants had to attempt the same task. I think the best ones at the task got the opportunity to memorise and consequently win the prizes...

...but I am getting sidetracked. Back to what I was talking about...

It is like that game show where all these life experiences (mine or other people's) are passing in front of me. But I don't have to try and remember them (which is a good thing I guess...is the host's name Bruce??), all I have to do is choose which ones I want; and I don't have to choose all of them; and the pickier I become the more high quality options I get shown. Anyway, that's what it seems like.

3. I am still not completely goalless. Today I realised that despite my intent, I still have goals. The ones I know about are: see Serenity this week, figure out how to make the perfect Caipirinha, watch Battlestar Galactica.

What stupid and insignifcant goals! The interesting thing is that in the absence of bigger more acceptable and respectable goals, they have become ridiculously important to me. It seems that when you strip away the "important" goals the silly little goals take over. For example I became irrationally over-invested in when I see Serenity. Seeing Serenity this week suddenly became the most important thing in my life. Yes, it is pathetic, but I also find it rather fascinating. I think maybe it took on such importance because it is one of the few things I have.

Of course now I am curious about how it will feel to have absolutely no goals and whether that is a good or bad thing. I wonder if I can manage to reach a state of having absolutely no goals? I admit I am not quite there yet. And what is a goal anyway? Isn't it just a mental construct?

Is this a weird post? Do other people experiment with themselves like this?

PS. Did anyone else notice how the host on that game show (whose name I STILL can't remember) used to pretend to be helpful by pointing out the prizes (opportunities) to the contestant, but was in reality really offputting and unhelpful because he focused on stupid things, was motivated by his own self-interest, and was usually totally out of sync with the contestant.

The Generation Game, with host Bruce Forsyth.

Apart from that little gem of trivia, I have nothing much to add.

I've often found that when I stop looking for something, I seem to find the thing I'd stopped looking for - whether it be keys/wallet type stuff, or a meaningful career change, or potential life partner. Instead of concentrating on what you want, just concentrate on the now. Live life for what it is, spend time doing pointless stuff (like watching Scifi), and you'll notice something that steers you in a direction that means something to you.

Take inspiration where you find it - but don't deliberately go looking for it, or it'll never show up...
It may be trivia, but it is a very important piece of trivia. At least as far as my peace of mind is concerned!

The other advice is excellent, but I think it will be difficult to follow. Who'd have thought that doing nothing would be harder than doing somethin

Well, you've just learned heaps then (IMHO). Doing nothing/thinking nothing is far more difficult. It's a worthwhile goal, the goal not to have a worthwhile goal.

Don't do. Don't think. Practice. Practice. It's the basis of true freedom.

Then the next step is to create something from nothing. That's the freedom part. You get to choose. Choose well.

I'm still working on it. Just recently, I managed not to have a goal of having a goal to not have a goal (one must balance even an attachment to the concept of nothing).

It's amazing how something gets in the way of nothing. But I think I see exactly where you are coming from.

In summary, thank you for reminding me about Serenity. Cool. Must see Serenity....
...I managed not to have a goal of having a goal to not have a goal (one must balance even an attachment to the concept of nothing)

:) I am ignoring that one - otherwise I can see myself getting mired in an (il)logical abstract swamp!
an (il)logical abstract swamp

Sounds like a Salvador Dali painting.
hmmm...it is a painting, but I don't think it looks like Dali.

Everything in my head is a painting, but most of the time the paintings are feelings, not visualizations.
"An Abstract Swamp"

Band name?
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