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Monday, September 26, 2005

Should I lower my expectations?

I am feeling better. A weekend of sulking was very good for me. Thanks for all the support and suggestions, it is much appreciated, and I do listen even if I have a tendency to argue.

Now I have another dilemma. Yes. It is over-analysing, but I don't care.

The dilemma is that I am trying to figure out what I want. Well, no, I know exactly what I want. What I am trying to figure out is whether to lower my expectations or not. I am intending to write lists and goals and action plans and positive affirmations and so on. But I can't decide whether to write what I really want, which is possibly a little unrealistic, or to lower my expectations and accept that I won't get what I want.

Is it better to be upset because you don't get what you expect, or to be upset because you have lowered your expectations?

Am I more likely to get what I really want if I don't expect it?

Write down what you want, methinks. Not what you think you deserve. I think it is the creator of Dilbert (Otherwise Larson / Calvin and Hobbes) who had a positive affirmation technique in his book.

Simply write down what you will have / will do a number of times every day. Literally sit down and write down:

"I will have a house of my own in Suburb with a Volvo"

ten or x number of times per day and keep on doing that until it happens.
Hmmm...that's a good idea. Like homework. I might have to rationalise my list somewhat.

I wonder if there is any difference between writing and typing?
The way I see defining what you want is controlling your navigation through life. If you never allow yourself to want your heart's desire, then you will never get it. It's because you are then allowing yourself to be tossed around through life without purpose. If you define what you want, you then allow yourself to navigate towards it, you are no longer being tossed around. You are able to actively choose to get closer and closer to it.

The thing is to be sure about what you want - the hard thing, I know. What I've found very useful is to say what I want out loud. By saying it, you bring it into the physical. Your body can feel the truth of the want - is it a true want or not? If it is not a true want, it will feel wrong, like a discordant note.

You mentioned something about a thesis in a previous post. Is it part of a Master's degree? Do you want that degree? If you do, then you have to stop running from what you are doing. That creates unnecessary stress.

As TinCanMan suggested, write everything down that you do want. Then go through the excercise of speaking each one aloud. The ones you really, really want will feel like they come from deep within you. They are worth fighting for.

You can also ask for help in your dreams. Just before you go to sleep, ask for dreams to help you gain clarity about what you want from life. Hold on for the ride if you do decide to do this though.
Don't lower your expectations, instead, expand your target timelines.

Yeah...I mentioned a thesis. It's a Phd. I am at this very moment deciding what to do about it.

I don't usually remember my dreams. I keep meaning to try the dream journal thing, but other more interesting projects keep coming up.
Don't worry about not remembering your dreams - that's not important. You can do a lot of work in your dreams without remembering what it was that you did. And if you get ones that you need to remember, well, they tend to be memorable.

I don't remember most of mine normally. One night I decided that I really wanted to remember them, so before I went to sleep I said "I want to remember all my dreams". Now I have to laugh, because in order for me to remember all my dreams, I had to wake up after each one. Not an effect I was expecting. I turned off the request for remembering dreams after that.
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