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Sunday, September 25, 2005

Tarot Reading 24th Sep 2005

The Turning Things Around Spread

This was one of those "oh dear this looks a little too truthful and I don't want to think about it properly just yet" readings.


1. Why am I lonely, lost, depressed?
Card: Morality (Queen of Swords)

This is interesting and potentially difficult. The Queen of Swords sounds like me: intelligent, perceptive, penetrating insight, private, aloof, strong, idealistic, emotionally isolated, complex, courageous, inner wisdom, honest, forthright, cold.

Other words associated with this card: loneliness, separation, loss..

My first thought is that I am lonely because it is in my nature to be lonely. The scary part is the idea that the idea that I will be lonely forever resonates. It feels true.

2. What is contributing to these present feelings?
Card: The Miser (Four of Pentacles)

Need to control. Blocked change. Structure (material, emotional, mental). Selfishness (may be a good or bad thing). Dependence on material comforts and security. Need for personal security.
Possessiveness.

Hmmm ... Don't you hate it when the tarot is so bluntly accurate?

3. What or where can I find the motivation to move past- how I'm feeling?
Card: Harmony (Ten of Cups Reversed)

Ooh the dolphin card! I love dolphins!!

But this card is confusing. I am unsure whether the card reversal matters or not.
I am unsure what this card means. Does it mean all the good things: joy, love, peace, happiness, success, (which I don't have and is not very motivating cause I don't see it anywhere in my future)? Or does it mean the reverse meaning (loss of relationships, betrayal, escapism, qaurrels), which is also not motivating.

Or maybe dolphins are meant to be motivating. Or maybe Dolphin Boy is meant to be motivating.

"Let yourself be softer and more receptive now because an inexpressible joy is waiting for you just around the corner"

That's very nice. I could do with some inexpressible joy. Maybe that is supposed to be the motivating thing. If so then there had better be some inexpressible joy soon ie before Christmas...or else!

Oh. Wait. That wasn't very" soft" or "receptive" was it? I must try to soften harder.

4. What help might others give me?
Card: New Vision (The Hanged Man Reversed)

This is also confusing....especially if you take the reversed hanged man meaning which features particularly unhelpful others.

Maybe others aren't going to be any help. Or maybe it literally means others will help with a new vision.

Clarifying Question: Who can help me?
6 Pentacles: loan. gift. money. charity. Someone who is generous and gives to charity.


5. What uplifting - or spiritual guidance can the cards give me at this time?
Card: Thunderbolt (The Tower)

Gee. Not again!

Seeing this card almost made me laugh and cry. So far I have had at least 18 months of The Tower energies. And it has been quite challenging. I'm not sure if I can handle more. On the other hand I AM getting better at continually throwing away all expectations and plans and goals and remaking myself inside. It is just that sometimes a little bit of security would be nice.

I guess if you think about in the right way, continually jumping out of a tower is sort of like flying.

I wonder what this "Tower" lesson is though. I thought I had figured it out (don't rely on externals, the only security comes from within, not to be so controlling, blah blah...) but obviously I have it wrong or haven't acted on it.

OK. So it could be that I am supposed to be doing something else, but am being stubborn and refusing to change...so the continual major upheavals are just ways of making me do what I am supposed to be doing.

Or it could be that there just happen to be many major upheavals in my life at the moment.

6. What can I do to turn things around?
Card: The Lovers

Yay. The choice card. The DIFFICULT and LIFE-ALTERING choice card.
Harmony and union, choices to be made using intuition and not intellect. Difficult decisions to be made not necessarily about love. Some form of test and consideration about commitments. Abstract thought, internal harmony and union, second sight.
I didn't like this suggestion at all so I drew another card:

Card: Letting Go (Eight of Cups)

The Eight of Cups is another card of change and transition. It is also not fun or easy. It is a sad card. Something finished. Something completing.

Oh well. I guess there is nothing for me here anyway.

Comments:
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