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Saturday, September 24, 2005

I know I am self absorbed

Bob once made a comment about how self-absorbed I am. Implying, I think, that who the hell would want a relationship with someone who obsesses about themselves all the time.

I got a little bit cross with Bob. I pointed out that one of the reasons I am so self-absorbed is that I have no one else in my life to absorb myself with. I also have a large amount of that type of energy to use up.

Another reason is that I am sick of feeling like crap all the time and obviously no one is going to come and save me, so I need to fix things myself. And in order to fix things I need to figure out what is wrong, which means focusing on myself.

I get the impression that people think it is a bad thing to over-analyse and obsess about your problems. It seems that distracting myself by doing hobbies, hanging out with friends, volunteering, keeping busy and basically trying to ignore/bury all these feelings is the socially acceptable "solution." The socially acceptable solution sounds like a time-bomb to me.

it doesn't have to be one OR the other. possibly what 'bob' was trying to say was that a little too much reflection can magnify things out of proportion.
you focus so much on what is supposedly "socially acceptable" - but really could it be that it's not so much something that is socially acceptable but rather not quite so extreme?
xo, a loving friend.
Yes. That is what "bob" probably meant. Still...who else am I supposed to absorb myself with?

There is a reason why I focus so much on social acceptability.

BTW what is wrong with extremes?

I think there's nothing wrong with extremes, as long as you're aware of where you are with these things relative to everyone else. I have a friend who dresses completely Goth at work (you know Goth in NZ, right?), and while I think it's totally cool and just part of who she is, she gets fun poked at her by other coworkers and gets very upset by it. So it's difficult to be completely unique if you're also going to be very sensitive to what others think.

However, focusing on social acceptability while denying who you are is, as you say, most likely a time bomb. You can only deny yourself for so long before you disappear or explode...
you don't have to absorb yourself with anyone. think about a life change we've been discussing - ie the job change - this will be a major thing for changing your situation both financially and socially.

i - though i can't speak for your other friends - adore you because you do what you want to. whether you're focusing on social acceptibility or not, you're still living the suze way. from the friends of yours i've met, they probably admire that in you also.

extremes are what i think is the time bomb.

other notes not really related:
- you can turn off that blogger search bar if you want to so it won't appear at the top of your page anymore
- i'd like to hang out sometime soon but it's hard when you've stated that you're not interested in couples. even if darren isn't there (and it hurts him to be excluded when we are both friends with you) the fact still remains.
David: yes we have Goths here :) I am not a Goth, but I have a few gothic items of clothing that I sometimes wear.
I am always thinking about a life change....I just don't tell everyone.

But I feel like I need to use my people energy somewhere. I can't just transfer this energy to work or other things I don't really like doing.
re turning off Blogger search bar: its technically easy, but breaks their terms of service. ie - don't do it.
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