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Tuesday, November 22, 2005

A Very Strange Little Girl

Someone told me I was like River, from Firefly. You know. The strange girl.

I think these were the noted similarities: too intelligent for her own good, strange, pouty, over-emotional for no good reason, strange. And apparently I kind of look like River, which I don't really see at all.

I was surprised and not exactly flattered. All the other female characters are attractive in their own way. But River is not even really on the attractiveness scale. River is just weird and annoying and doesn't really belong. No one really likes her and its seems she makes people nervous and uncomfortable. Great. I have always suspected I make people nervous and uncomfortable but only one person has ever come out and said it. Brave boy.

Anyway once I started thinking about it there are quite a few other similarities between me and River: very perceptive/intuitive, a strange way of intereacting with people, moody, a dancer, prone to wandering around and communing with objects rather than with people, a tendency to say stuff that no one else understands but makes perfect sense to her.

Kind of depressing that.

In the middle of the Ariel episode someone says about River: "She feels everything. She can't not." I think I burst into tears, which I guess is not an unusual event. But then the other day a friend asked how I was doing. All I could say was "I don't know." What I actually meant was "good" and "OK" and "crap" and "depressed" and "sad" and "bored" and "tired" and "excited" and "calm" and "upset" and "disappointed" and "bubbly" and "apathetic" and "hopeless" and "content" and "on to it" and "drowning" and "lost" all at once. Actually, prefix all those preceding adjectives with "extremely." That would be more accurate.

So I think it all averages out to tired and overwhelmed. It is kind of scary. It is kind of irrational. I've never been quite like this before. Maybe it's because I have been meditating so now I am calmly and detachedly overwhelmed and emotional. That can't be right though.

Were they (incompetently) trying to say something complimentary when they made that comparison? Or was it one of those comments made when they didn't know what else to say?

And for what it's worth, I checked out the cast photos from Firefly, and River definitely is attractive.

What I actually meant was <lots and lots of emotions> ... extremely

It sounds exhausting.

I am calmly and detachedly overwhelmed and emotional. That can't be right though.

Sure it can. Just because something seems paradoxical doesn't mean it's not true. You just have to look at it from a ninety degree angle sometimes.
I think it was just a comment designed to get a reaction. The reaction is a little delayed.

IMO in the tv series (I guess the photos are OK) River doesn't come across as attractive at all. She comes across as extremely strange.

90degrees. OK I just assumed that people can only feel one strong emotion at a time. I could be wrong.
I have often very strong felt completely contradictory emotions at the same time.

Maybe it's like a quantum physics kind of thing. An electron can't possibly go through *both* slits simultaneously in the double slit experiment, yet the experiment clearly shows each electron, in a way, paradixoically going thru both.

Maybe it's not really like that. But it sounded good.
It doesn't matter whether it is really like that or not, I like the analogy very much!
And as an aside, I have amazed myself with the incredible misspellings in my previous comment.
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