Friday, December 09, 2005
The Marriage Thing Part 2 (you know I am going to go on and on about this)
On why I think the gay-marriage advocates are so passionate about the word "marriage." (Disclaimer, I'm not gay, so I could be talking a load of shit, but hey that's what blogs are for).
Say you grow up in society as it is. Throughout your life you are bombarded with messages about marriage: how great it is, how that's what everyone does - you know how the script goes: leave school, get a job, meet someone, fall madly in love, get married, buy a house, get a pet, have babies, live happily ever after, the end.
If you follow this script you probably don't realise how difficult it is when you do not follow this script. If you don't often get "what a freak" looks, then you won't understand how important it is to feel normal in as many ways as possible.
Say you are gay and still want to participate in the script that society has sold you. After all, your whole life you have been indoctrinated into this marriage thing. So you meet someone, fall in love, and want to do the next step, ie get married. But you can't. Why not? Because there is something wrong with you. You aren't good enough - only certain people are allowed to get married. Only normal people are allowed to get married. Only people who can have children are allowed to get married. Everyone else is a second-class citizen. Everyone else is selfish and not contributing to society.
How many fairy stories do you know where the beautiful princess ended up having a civil union and living happily ever after?
The reason I care about this issue is that I am never going to get married and have kids. So when I hear things like how the mother-father-kid scenario is the only really valid family group and the cornerstone of society and how I don't understand how important and special marriage is, I feel like a worthless piece of crap and then if I'm lucky I get cross.
Say you grow up in society as it is. Throughout your life you are bombarded with messages about marriage: how great it is, how that's what everyone does - you know how the script goes: leave school, get a job, meet someone, fall madly in love, get married, buy a house, get a pet, have babies, live happily ever after, the end.
If you follow this script you probably don't realise how difficult it is when you do not follow this script. If you don't often get "what a freak" looks, then you won't understand how important it is to feel normal in as many ways as possible.
Say you are gay and still want to participate in the script that society has sold you. After all, your whole life you have been indoctrinated into this marriage thing. So you meet someone, fall in love, and want to do the next step, ie get married. But you can't. Why not? Because there is something wrong with you. You aren't good enough - only certain people are allowed to get married. Only normal people are allowed to get married. Only people who can have children are allowed to get married. Everyone else is a second-class citizen. Everyone else is selfish and not contributing to society.
How many fairy stories do you know where the beautiful princess ended up having a civil union and living happily ever after?
The reason I care about this issue is that I am never going to get married and have kids. So when I hear things like how the mother-father-kid scenario is the only really valid family group and the cornerstone of society and how I don't understand how important and special marriage is, I feel like a worthless piece of crap and then if I'm lucky I get cross.
// posted by suze @ 3:42 PM 
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The reason I care about this issue is that I am never going to get married and have kids. So when I hear things like how the mother-father-kid scenario is the only really valid family group and the cornerstone of society and how I don't understand how important and special marriage is, I feel like a worthless piece of crap and then if I'm lucky I get cross.
No, it's not the only really valid family group. But it forms the vast majority of them. Maybe different applications/views on what cornerstone means?
No, it's not the only really valid family group. But it forms the vast majority of them. Maybe different applications/views on what cornerstone means?
# posted by 
: 12/09/2005 04:43:00 PM
: 12/09/2005 04:43:00 PM
You are doing the imaginary empathy thing, Suze. The type where you can't respond to the thoughts of the "other", because they don't exist.
I have quite a lot of understanding of those thoughts, of that other, having spent an entire night convincing a dear friend (who had come out as gay) not to kill himself because of some of the things you mention. What kept him alive past that night was his accpetance of the idea that worth is not what everyone else thinks of you - it's what you think of yourself. It has to come from within. Without that, I think he would be dead now.
I have quite a lot of understanding of those thoughts, of that other, having spent an entire night convincing a dear friend (who had come out as gay) not to kill himself because of some of the things you mention. What kept him alive past that night was his accpetance of the idea that worth is not what everyone else thinks of you - it's what you think of yourself. It has to come from within. Without that, I think he would be dead now.
David - discussion was on 'family' being the cornerstone of civilisation. The people who teach you not to kill eachother for the last piece of fruit.
Anyway. Zooplefish.
Anyway. Zooplefish.
# posted by : 12/09/2005 09:47:00 PM
: 12/09/2005 09:47:00 PM
Isn't all empathy imaginary?
Some of those thoughts aren't imaginary, some of those thoughts are mine...I was just extrapolating.
Some of those thoughts aren't imaginary, some of those thoughts are mine...I was just extrapolating.
I'm not sure, Suze. In this situation, in the argument put forward, it creates this kind of psuedo person that cannot be argued with. All that can be imagined is how they might feel in a certain situation - not how they might change their minds or gain understanding.
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