Friday, May 27, 2005
Alcohol & Masks
I wouldn't be surprised if people thought I was an alcoholic. After all I have a rather extensive collection of alcohol. They often assume that because I have a lot of alcohol, then I must drink a lot of alcohol. Thats not true. I don't drink much at all.
A comment from a friend about "drinking in order to have fun" made me think about why I drink alcohol.
I have several reasons. None of them are "to have fun."
I drink cocktails because I like the taste and because I like the creative and aesthetic aspect. I have lots of spirits/liquers so that I can create masterpieces on a whim.
What else? I never drink to get drunk. I very rarely drink alone. Sometimes (2-3 times a year maybe) I drink alone after a stressful day at work.
Quite often I drink alcohol when I am with friends. This is a convivial thing. Like eating with friends. In fact the drinking with friends is often accompanied by sharing a meal together.
But most often I drink before and at social occasions where there are going to be a lot of people. Like parties. Part of the reason is so I can "fit in" or at least so I can have something to do while being an outcast. Most of the reason is to be more sociable. Alcohol has a nice numbing effect. It numbs all those extra senses and allows me to act a somewhat appropriate part.
The curious thing is that the attempts to fit in and be more sociable are often for the benefit for other people. People seem to be uncomfortable if I am being reserved and interior. They don't seem to like it if I don't talk to people. Being excitedly animated and exaggeratedly glad to be there seems to be the correct party persona. Fake verve over isolated but sincere contentment.
It annoys me sometimes. Is it so strange that I might actually prefer to be
alone at a party? That I might enjoy the party more by not saying a word to anyone? That mixing and mingling might actually be a painful chore?
A comment from a friend about "drinking in order to have fun" made me think about why I drink alcohol.
I have several reasons. None of them are "to have fun."
I drink cocktails because I like the taste and because I like the creative and aesthetic aspect. I have lots of spirits/liquers so that I can create masterpieces on a whim.
What else? I never drink to get drunk. I very rarely drink alone. Sometimes (2-3 times a year maybe) I drink alone after a stressful day at work.
Quite often I drink alcohol when I am with friends. This is a convivial thing. Like eating with friends. In fact the drinking with friends is often accompanied by sharing a meal together.
But most often I drink before and at social occasions where there are going to be a lot of people. Like parties. Part of the reason is so I can "fit in" or at least so I can have something to do while being an outcast. Most of the reason is to be more sociable. Alcohol has a nice numbing effect. It numbs all those extra senses and allows me to act a somewhat appropriate part.
The curious thing is that the attempts to fit in and be more sociable are often for the benefit for other people. People seem to be uncomfortable if I am being reserved and interior. They don't seem to like it if I don't talk to people. Being excitedly animated and exaggeratedly glad to be there seems to be the correct party persona. Fake verve over isolated but sincere contentment.
It annoys me sometimes. Is it so strange that I might actually prefer to be
alone at a party? That I might enjoy the party more by not saying a word to anyone? That mixing and mingling might actually be a painful chore?
// posted by suze @ 10:33 PM 
Comments:
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Does being ignored always bother you? Sometimes I prefer it to small-talk. Other times I hate it.
A lot of large social gatherings are stressful and disappointing for me too. But it's strange because sometimes I have a fantastic time and sometimes I feel like going to a large social gathering.
At the moment I really want someone to throw a party. I think it will have to be me (doomsday or physics themed ;-)). I always like my parties. The parties of close friends are usually good too.
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A lot of large social gatherings are stressful and disappointing for me too. But it's strange because sometimes I have a fantastic time and sometimes I feel like going to a large social gathering.
At the moment I really want someone to throw a party. I think it will have to be me (doomsday or physics themed ;-)). I always like my parties. The parties of close friends are usually good too.
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