Bright Copper Kettles

how to pronounce stuff

2008-04-13T18:10:00.001+12:00

Ooh love this! thanks Darren.

Forvo - All the words in the world. Pronounced.

So useful!

101 Things List Update

2008-03-09T12:26:00.006+13:00

I am going to rewrite 101 Things in 1001 Days list cause things change.

These are the things I have done:
26. I have paid off my credit card
27. I have paid off student loan
29. I am getting paid
31. I only work the hours that I am paid for (for 4 weeks in a row)
43. All the USB ports on my laptop are working
55. I know whether my video player works or not
57. I own a digital slr
59. I have new glasses and/or contacts
66. go to a music festival or gig/concert overseas (not NZ or Australia)
68. get a professional massage
86. go to work drinks at least once
95. do a tarot reading for someone other than me

These are the things I have done that I will need to do again:
37. clear out gmail account
39. clean sofas
40. reorganize flickr account
44. All my cds/data are backed up and organised
45. My Phd stuff is cleared out, sorted out and stored.
46. All my digital photos are archived
58. I have been to the dentist
60. visit grandmother
61. visit mother

These are the things that I have started:
47. I have sold or given away all the books I don’t want
48. I have sold or given away all clothes that I won’t ever wear again unless I absolutely love them
50. I have sorted out all my stuff into sell/give/throw away and keep pile
51. I have sold/given/thrown away everything in the sell/give/throw away piles
52. All my cds are in storage
75. try 3 new dance classes (bellydance, flamenco)
97. throw 5 parties (1/5)

These are the things I have changed my mind about doing and are coming off the list:
30. I am getting paid my goal income or better
64. see the mars volta live
91. write a WHOLE song complete and final and finished
92. make a webpage
93. make a webmap
94. do a complete astrological chart/reading for someone other than me
100. read the last 2 books in the grigori series
101. find the 1st book in the grigori series

These are things that may remain on the list unless I can think of better things:
28. I have paid back all other loans
32. I have my own company
33. My company does something or some things
34. Everyone who owes me money has paid me back
35. Unsubscribe from the unnecessary and unused
36. clear out uni email account
38. tidy up files on laptop
41. make a list of all my blogs
42. fix blogs
49. I have gotten rid of all shoes that I will never wear again
53. I have returned all cds that are not mine
54. I have returned all books that are not mine
56. I have a copy of Doomsday on dvd
62. get a surfing lesson/s
63. go on a surf holiday
65. see the queens of the stone age live
67. go to every art gallery within 1km radius at least once
69. do the waikaremoana lake walk
70. go to a classical concert
71. try rock-climbing
72. dye hair
73. straighten hair
74. get a tattoo
76. visit Greece
77. kayak around Mediterranean
78. visit South America
79. go snowboarding
80. learn how to do yoga
81. regular (5 days/week) pilates/yoga/dance for 2 months
82. I can do right leg splits
83. I can do left leg splits
84. I can do 10 real press ups in a row
85. drink a glass of water every morning for 60 days in a row
87. I smile at everyone I see/meet/talk to (for a week)
88. finish 5 paintings
89. plug my bass in and play it for at least 15 minutes
90. I can play the moonlight sonata on keyboard/piano
96. sit in albert park for a day reading and people watching and picnicking and taking photos
98. make a tarot covers/cases for the decks without covers/cases
99. sell my bead stuff or make something with it

aargh!

2007-06-01T17:30:00.000+12:00

There are too many social webby things for me to keep track of... facebook, friendster, flickr, that music one, geni, linkedin, twitter, jaiku, and the others I can't remember off the top of my head and the others that I have registered for and forgotten... and then the slightly less "networky" interwebby things like the blogs (I forget how many I have now) and the newsreaders (again several, none of which I use) and lots lots more... eek!

Take last.fm for example. A couple of people mentioned it today and I thought "oooh, that sounds very cool, I should register!" Well. It turns out I have registered. In 2005. Woops. Then the inevitable trying to remember my password (no I don't trust password banks) etc... and then realising why I don't use it... voila! a whole couple of hours wasted. Yeah. I exaggerate, maybe an hour at the most.

Maybe I should boycott all of them. Or at least pose the question "how does this enhance my life?"

i wish i had wheatgrass

2007-06-01T14:09:00.000+12:00

but this will do. I feel MUCH better now and my green craving is almost appeased.

Smoothie
1/2 bag of spinach
2 bananas
handful of frozen mango
handful of frozen berries
apple juice
goji berries
maca powder
spirulina
cacao nibs
flax seed oil
cocounut oil

nothing's right without you here

2007-05-26T17:02:00.000+12:00

I am at a gig. Between bands. It is hazy and I am nightdreaming and not quite fitting in and not quite caring. Things are fine but not right. And then all of a sudden a song catapults into sharp focus. There is something about it. I am not sure if it is the melody, the bassline, the voice or the lyrics:

there's something natural in the way you touch me, it's a feeling that I can't describe, something mystic in the soul connection, something magic in your misty eyes... there's something that I can't explain about this, there's something something that I can't explain... it is what it is...

Then someone real interrupts me, is talking at me, but I am captured by the song, the song is more real than the people around me. And I know it is going to end and I am going to talk and forget it, so I scrawl words on a coaster and continue the night. But it was a moment of change.

When I get home I google the lyrics. It is a cover of a Fat Freddy's song. Flashback. By The Twilight Singers and Mark Lanegan. So perhaps it was the voice that hooked me, Mark Lanegan's voice is hypnotic to me. It is probably my favourite voice of all time. Yes, I like him better than Maynard and better than Chris and better than Johnny.

So I am caught in an interweb and synchronicity storm. Connections everywhere. It all fits in a weird way. And then I stumble across another cover by The Twilight Singers and Mark Lanegan - Live With Me (Massive Attack). Wow. It is one of those songs, you know the songs that haunt you, transform you, that reach into places rarely touched, that twist your insides out. Or maybe it is just me. I don't even have the words to describe it. I seem to have lost my words somewhere along the way. Just as well these songs have words.

it don't matter, when you turn
gonna survive, you live and learn
I've been thinking about you, baby

by the light of dawn,
and in my blues ... day and night ... I've been missing you
I've been thinking about you baby
come live with me

either way, win or lose
when you're born into trouble
you live the blues
I've been thinking about you baby
see it almost makes me crazy

nothing's right, without you here
I'd give all that I have, just to keep you near
I wrote you a letter, I tried to, make it clear
you don't seem to think that I'm sincere
I've been thinking about you, baby
come live with me

plans and schemes, hopes and fears
dreams I've denied, for all these years
I've been thinking about you, baby
makes me wanna...

nothing's right, if you ain't here
I'd give all that I have, just to keep you near
I wrote you a letter, I tried to ,make it clear,
but you don't seem to think that I'm sincere

I've been thinking about you, baby
come live with me
come live with me
come live with me

delicious links

2007-05-22T23:38:00.000+12:00

Blog of found passive aggressive notes.

Reading Speed thing.

Article on all those people out and about during the day time when most people are working.

jean stress

2007-05-20T20:48:00.000+12:00

My goodness clothes shopping is stressful! And jean shopping is even more stressful, especially when you haven't bought jeans for over 8 years and have no clue what size you are or what brands/styles fit/suit you.

So it is winter. And apparently my weight is still dropping or my clothes are being stretched by elves in the middle of the night. And I am getting sick of pulling things up and wearing clothes that don't fit. So last week I finally succumbed and went shopping for jeans and other clothes. Ick! I HATE malls. No wonder I have been putting it off. And most of the clothes are ugly besides. Anyway I only managed to find an OK pair of jeans that will do for work before I couldn't stand it anymore and had to run away and recuperate. It is such a pity that I can't try things on online.

So the clothing problem is not solved. And neither is the jean problem.

And I was thinking that skinny jeans are so very ugly, but maybe it is just that they don't look that great on most body types. Maybe I can get away with it. Because I am VERY attracted to the hot pink drainpipes I found surfing whilst surfing the interweb for jean wisdom. I wonder if I can get away with that.

the smacking thing

2007-03-30T18:34:00.000+12:00

I was going to share my opinions. But thought better of it. So I will just say:

It is fantastic that so many people care so much about the wellbeing of children and families that this smacking thing is such a big issue!

my current alltime favourite albums (subject to change and in not much of an order)

2007-03-29T22:00:00.000+12:00

Grace - Jeff Buckley
Sing The Sorrow - AFI
Siamese Dream - Smashing Pumpkins
Nevermind - Nirvana
Aenima - Tool
White Pony - Deftones
Hysteria - Def Leppard
The Real Thing - Faith No More
Blood Sugar Sex Magick - Red Hot Chilli Peppers
Weezer - Weezer
Songs For The Deaf - Queens Of The Stoneage
Solo Piano - Philip Glass
s.c.i.e.n.c.e - Incubus
Korn - Korn
Never Never Land - Unkle
Funeral - The Arcade Fire
Superunknown - Soundgarden
Dirt - Alice in Chains
Last Exit To Garageland - Garageland
Pawn Shoppe Heart - The Von Bondies
Lullabies to Paralyze - Queens Of The Stoneage
Aurora Gory Alice - Letters to Cleo
Cannon Fodder - Future Stupid
OK Computer - Radiohead
The Bends - Radiohead
Title Of Record - Filter
Fly My Pretties Live At Bats - Fly My Pretties
Mark Hollis - Mark Hollis
Bubblegum - Mark Lanegan
De-Loused in the Comatorium - The Mars Volta
Ten - Pearl Jam
Rage Against the Machine - Rage Against the Machine
Joshua Tree - U2
Blink 182 - Blink 182
Clarity - Jimmy Eat World
Misery Is A Butterfly - Blonde Redhead
Mezzanine - Massive Attack
American III - Johnny Cash
American IV - Johnny Cash
Cure For Pain - Morphine
Appetite For Destruction - Guns n Roses
Kick - INXS
MTV Unplugged in New York - Nirvana
Black Holes & Revelations - Muse
Ritual de lo Habitual - Janes Addiction
Traction - Supergroove
Thriller - Michael Jackson
The Black Album - Metallica
vs - Pearl Jam
The Downward Spiral - Nine Inch Nails
Arrival - Abba
The Crane Wife - The Decemberists
The Great Destroyer - Low
The Wall - Pink Floyd
A City By The Light Divided - Thursday
How to Steal the World - Helicopter Girl
New Bottles, Old Medicine - Medicine Head
So Tonight That I Might See - Mazzy Star
Adam & Eve - Catherine Wheel
Abba - Abba
Without You I'm Nothing - Placebo
Pipe Line Under The Ocean - Pluto
Palo Santo - Shearwater
Plans - Death Cab For Cutie
You See Colours - Delays
Fashion Nugget - Cake
The Warning - Hot Chip
Welcome to Sky Valley - Kyuss
Purple - Stone Temple Pilots
The Sunset Tree - The Mountain Goats
Get Ready - New Order
A Place in the Sun - Lit
Home - Sevendust
So Jealous - Tegan and Sara
Innervisions - Stevie Wonder
Brothers In Arms - Dire Straits
Jawbox - Jawbox
Tracy Chapman - Tracy Chapman
Geographica - Weta
Gravity - Our Lady Peace
City Chorus - Age Pryor

so I keep saying...

2007-03-01T23:39:00.000+13:00

... although do I really need even more alone time?!

Although I could always use a break and a trip far far away...

You scored as Goddess. You are a goddess. Your constantly helping people with their problems, but you never take time for you. You should try to take some alone time. Take a trip far away, where noone knows you. It will be good for you, because you deserve a break.

Goddess

100%

Drow

83%

Sorceress

83%

Wolf

67%

Elf

67%

Shadow Spirit

67%

Dragon

50%

Vampyre

42%

Faerie

42%

Zombie

17%

What ancient breed are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

So that's what a "Drow" is!

yeah yeah... i didn't need to do a quiz to tell me this...

2007-03-01T23:29:00.000+13:00

You scored as Serenity (Firefly). You like to live your own way and don't enjoy when anyone but a friend tries to tell you should do different. Now if only the Reavers would quit trying to skin you.

Serenity (Firefly)

94%

Deep Space Nine (Star Trek)

81%

Babylon 5 (Babylon 5)

81%

Moya (Farscape)

69%

FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files)

63%

Millennium Falcon (Star Wars)

63%

Andromeda Ascendant (Andromeda)

56%

Bebop (Cowboy Bebop)

50%

Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix)

50%

Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica)

50%

Enterprise D (Star Trek)

44%

SG-1 (Stargate)

44%

Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics)
created with QuizFarm.com

Thanks span!

delicious link

2007-02-12T23:37:00.000+13:00

God As Computer Programmer

Am not sure if this is funny if you are not a programmer... any non-programmers (are there any?!) lemme know!

As well as being funny it is also quite profound and wise! For example:

Q: What is the one true religion?
A: All systems have their advantages and disadvantages, so just pick
the one that best suits your needs and don't let anyone put you down.

question of the day

2007-02-11T22:31:00.000+13:00

Is it only the sugar in processed food that is addictive or are there other things that are addictive as well?

Before Christmas I was really happy with my diet. I ate what I felt like, when I felt like it and I felt GREAT. I just listened to what my body wanted, and it wanted fresh fruit and vegetables and that's about it. Then Christmas happened and I had a couple of weeks where I ate a) too much and b) stuff I didn't feel like eating because a) I felt pressured into it to make other people feel good and b) there weren't any alternatives.

Now I can't listen to what my body wants to eat because it is telling me to eat processed and/or fatty and/or sugary food. And it is telling me to eat it continuously. Grrr. It is especially annoying because I can now tell that the processed food makes me lethargic and drained and I even get an almost allergic reaction to heavily processed stuff. Yet I still want to eat it! GRRR!

Maybe I need to fast. Yes. That is what I will do. As soon as I finish my hot cross buns...

question of the day

2007-02-08T21:31:00.000+13:00

What matters more: what is true? or what you believe?

delicious links

2007-02-07T22:28:00.000+13:00

Sky Map Thingy cause I like stars.

Important Philosophical Quotations cause I like philosophy and I like quotations. "Important" might be subjective though. Particularly like "the unexamined life is not worth living."

underwear is expensive

2007-01-03T21:58:00.000+13:00

I just spent $100 and it was a sale and I didn't get a lot:
2 singlet tops
1 bra
2 pairs of knickers
1 pair of board shorts.

Dear oh dear. That was my BDO ticket. And I really could do with more. Baggy falling off clothes is one thing (although I was unreasonably upset today when my favourite board shorts are definitely too big to wear) but baggy falling off underwear is another. Why is underwear so expensive?! And why are almost all the bras padded and/or synthetic and/or decorated with lace and flowery bright designs? Why don't they make more underwear that I like?

And I will have to take the board shorts back. It seems I have dropped two dress sizes, not one, unless they are doing funny things with dress sizing. I think I have only dropped one underwear size. So how does that work?

my list my list!

2007-01-03T21:19:00.000+13:00

Thanks to span for reminding me about my 101 Things in 1001 Days list! I had forgotten. I must update it because things change.

I find it really hard thinking of goals/dreams I really want to do though. I have never really been career driven or had big dreams about doing big things. The things that have always mattered the most to me is a)the people I am with and b) learning stuff about me and the world and other people. It is not the sort of thing that easily translates into a list of 101 things I really really want to do. I mean, if I am happy and I have people around me whom I love and they are happy and I have the freedom and resources to do what takes my fancy I don't care all that much whether I do any of that list!

Anyway, at the moment being a housewife and just pottering around doing what I feel like appeals. Although "pottering around doing what I feel like" could include any number of things including consulting and travelling and research and creating. I am almost certain that I won't usually feel like doing housework. And I guess I am also very particular about where I would be happy being a housewife.

proving God

2006-12-20T17:36:00.000+13:00

Odd and bemusing conversations going on at Sir Humphreys about Free Will and God. They are a couple of my favourite topics, but it seems rather pointless to participate.

It is odd because in my opinion:

God is not somethng you prove
proof is over-rated and over-worshipped
God (or whatever) is as "natural" as anything else
it seems like lots of people who comment on those are there to prove themselves right and make everyone else agree with them. As opposed to listening and to expanding their ideas and maybe seeing that they might actually be saying the exact same thing a lot of the time

Perspective really makes such a difference.

carnivale

2006-12-03T18:30:00.000+13:00

I am addicted to Carnivale. I Have just finished Season 1 and about to start Season 2. I do like dark complex unobvious magical tv series. I would buy it if I wasn't on a budget, but it is definitely going on my "I want to own" list!

collision of minds

2006-11-27T17:11:00.000+13:00

So I have been doing flaky reading and "research" into flaky spiritual stuff. One of the key ideas I have recently come across is the Multiverse.

Then I come across this post about the Many Worlds Interpretation (aka Multiverse) of Quantum Physics (thanks Chefen!).

I adore synchronicities and I have always been very fond of what I think quantum physics is (which may be completely different from what it actually is because I find all those articles and books about it quite tiresome to wade through).

Now I admit that I didn't carefully read the "flaky" theory of the Multiverse either. It seemed rather tedious as well. I just made up what I thought it sounded like and added it to my philipsophy/cosmology. Details schmetails.

Yeah. So I guess this is a post about nothing really. I guess I just like my idea of the multiverse and like that it has come up synchronously and I like it when spirit and science collide. Or at least when I imagine they do.

radiant souls!

2006-11-21T22:15:00.000+13:00

I found this cool site: SpiritLibrary , which is a RadiantSouls project.

The library contains channeled information from a variety of sources. Very easy to read, search, use! And very pretty too!

delicious link

2006-11-16T21:17:00.000+13:00

This looks like a super cool hotel!

I particularly like this room and this room and this room.

Oh and this one.

And this one.

And how could I forget this.

green thing

2006-11-15T19:21:00.000+13:00

I am going through a green phase at the moment, specifically apple green. I have been painting a huge painting that consists of only the one colour paint (apple green) and now I have invented a brilliant and yummy green "recipe" for "dinner." Although of course it doesn't involve cooking or anything much at all and it would be just as good for breakfast, lunch, dessert, or as a snack.

1. Chop up 3 apples, leaving the skin on.
I used granny smith apples because they are green and they match my painting and the limes, but I suppose you could use other types of apple if you really wanted to.
2. Squeeze the juice of 1 lime over the apples.

The End.

I had intended to freeze the apples (with lime quarters) but I made the mistake of tasting it first and could not stop eating. So maybe I will make some more and see what freezing does. It probably does bad things to apples. Where are the apple food scientists when you need them?! I probably ought not wake them up in the middle of the night just to ask about this.

101 Things Update

2006-11-09T18:45:00.000+13:00

I have been paid!! Finally. Yay! What a relief.

So. I have now completed these list items:
26. I have paid off my credit card
29. I am getting paid

Unfortunately item number 64 (see the mars volta live) is further away. How disappointing! It was the thing I was looking forward to. And I don't even know if I will want to go see them in March.

dreaming - reply to lucyna

2006-11-08T13:27:00.000+13:00

Silly computer. I can't post a comment to my own blog. Nevermind. I suppose Mercury is still retrograde (communication & technical problems). And the work phones/networks have been very very dodgy as well. Anyway, I am getting off-track. Here is my reply to Lucyna's comment from the post before this one. Chefen is right, she does have a talent for starting very interesting conversations!

Words that are in italics are lucyna's. Words that aren't are mine. Warning it is long and waffly and probably very boring for anyone only interested in the nitty gritty of material life. And probably very annoying for people who like things black and white with definite opinions and answers.

Well, on some level you are correct in that life is just a part of a much greater reality
Well, I think that you and I believe so. Maybe other people don't? Or maybe other people are not as interested in thinking about it? Hard to tell and I guess it does not matter ;)

I think what gets me going on comparing life to a dream is the implication that nothing we do matters, just like in a dream nothing matters particularly much.
Ah. I think I see where you are coming from now! Yes we have different philosophies and views on this. I am not very good with the middle of the road stuff. My view is both that nothing matters and that everything matters. Which confuses people (especially logical rational scientists) and makes it hard to explain and so I don't often try. Although it is not exactly "nothing matters and everything matters," those are just the best words I can find at the moment to describe what I think/feel. All these sorts of ideas are like concept clouds in my head. They are more feelings/knowings. I don't think about these things in words, so it is hard to translate. Or perhaps it is beyond words? Perhaps that is why there is so much metaphor and analogy, which adds to the confusion and disagreements around spirtuality and religion - we are trying to use everyday language to describe something that is beyond language? I find it easier to paint these ideas. Or just think them quietly to myself.

I like the "nothing matters" part because I think that many people are very concerned and focused on things that do not actually matter. I sometimes get caught up and obsess about things that are not that important.

Life is far more real than that - what we do can have very permanent consequences
I agree. Everything we do has consequences. I would even go so far as to say that everything we think and feel has consequences. I guess where we might differ is that I think dreams are real too and have consequences, and that the "bigger dream" is real and has consequences. So there are different levels of reality,and different levels of consequences and different levels of things mattering.... hmm...

And so permanence is relative. What is permanent in the dream, is not permanent in real life. And if real life is like a dream in that there is a greater reality, perhaps what is permanent here is not permanent "out there." Which would make sense if you believe in everlasting life and that death is only the body dying, not the soul. Although perhaps it is not supposed to "make sense."

Hmmm.. have not thought about this before... so this is just what is popping out of my fingers as I type... interesting...

You can kill someone close to you in a dream, and the next morning you wake up and they are very much alive as an example
Yes! Although I am sure we will interpret this differently :)
I think that the consequences of killing someone in a dream are only effective (not the right word) in the dream, ie if you kill someone in a dream then they are only dead in the dream (unless you have weird dreams like I do). But in the dream you often would not know that they are not really dead and that it is only a dream (unless you are good at dreaming like you are). But the consequences of what you do in the dream also ripple out into real life. I know if I had a dream about killing someone I would feel/think and maybe behave differently in "real life" because of it. It would make me question things and look more closely at my life and maybe change things.

Perhaps saying that life is like a dream is questioning what we mean by permanence.

Having said all that I think that it is important to do the best you can regardless of whether it is a dream or real life or wherever you find yourself. But I also believe that everyone is doing their best anyway. So therefore it does not really matter. It's one of those duality things again.

I also believe that people should do/stand up for what is important to them. Which is why I like reading what you write and discussing things with you. I like that you have firm beliefs and stand up for them. I do not have to believe the same thing, although I suspect many of our beliefs overlap and we just have different interpretations of things. For example, I would not call myself "Christian" because my interpretation of what Jesus said is very different from most other people's. But I am choosing to believe in and follow what he is said to have said (interpreted in my own way) so I am not exactly not a Christian either.

I like the idea that we are in exile here, this is not our natural reality but it is one we have to live in and it is one we have to succeed in to get back to where our true home is
This is a common theme among all religions isn't it? I like this idea too but I don't think of it as exile. I think of it as we are here to play. Or perhaps I should say I am here to play and have fun and learn. I also think of "true home" as more of a state or another dimension rather than a place that you travel in space to go to. The home metaphor is good though. It is hard to think in those extra dimensions!

These beliefs suit me at the moment. I am quite sure they would not suit everyone. That's OK. By the same token other people's beliefs are not necessarily good for me. Which reminds me of another couple of quotes (paraphrased) I like at the moment:
Beliefs are just thoughts you think a lot.
It does not matter what you believe because what is true is not dependent on your belief and it will be true regardless.

nursery rhyme wisdom

2006-11-05T14:59:00.000+13:00

row row row your boat
gently down the stream
merrily merrily merrily merrily
life is but a dream

oh dear

2006-11-03T13:48:00.000+13:00

Oh dear. I have been very very calmly (and somewhat bemusedly - some people have very strange brains!) following that pagan christianity secular science thing thread at Sir Humphreys. It is like when people drive past a car crash. I can't stop myself from looking out of morbid curiosity. Fortunately I have been able to stop myself from commenting, which is a very good thing. Bob seems to be of the opinion that I should tell people what I think/believe. But really there is not an awful lot of point most of the time. Especially when it comes to spiritual stuff. Most people just wouldn't get it.

Science. Religion. Paganism. Christianity. Hedonism.

Yeah. All those are cool. I pick all of the above. Well maybe not "christianity" but the stuff jesus taught. And maybe not "paganism" but some of those beliefs. They seem to be pretty much the same thing anyway.

costume update

2006-10-27T15:49:00.000+13:00

Well. Who knew how many black lace dresses I had forgotten about! I am certainly not short of black lace outfits.

Anyway I am pleased because I can still fit into my leotards from when I was 16. Yay! Although they are a bit tighter. Hmmm. And I found even more clothes from long ago that I can wear now! What great taste I have! And I figure I am about as slim as I was 10 years ago. Yay! Although a different shape. Hmmm. And less toned, which is not surprising seeing as I don't exercise. Must start.

And I am crap at putting a sari on. Must go check the interweb for instructions...

halloween costumes

2006-10-27T12:55:00.000+13:00

I know I have been grouchy over the money thing, but I do have two Halloween parties this weekend and they are free! Although the current dilemma is how to get to them. I mean they are both within 30 minutes walking distance, but it IS Auckland and quite likey to rain and I will be in costume. Hmmm.

Anyway. As usual I have left the costume thing till the last minute. I tend not to worry because I have two pairs of ear, a pair of wings, a cape, and many witchy type items in my everyday wardrobe. So it's not like I won't have anything to wear. But I would like to wear different things if possible.

The first party is "your former self." There are many many options: gymnast, goth, model, 80s, 70s, rock star, hippy. And then, if we think in terms of former lives there is anything and I am thinking: cat, fairy, ethnic (you know bells on my ankles and sari), 40s, 50s.

The second party's costume I will worry about tomorrow.

So. I am off to try on leotards, old clothes and my grandmothers dresses and to attempt to put a sari on. Although how I am going to walk for half an hour in a sari in the possible rain carrying alcohol without the sari falling down is another story.

dollars and cents

2006-10-27T12:38:00.000+13:00

Aarrgh!

I have to wait another 2 weeks before I get paid! That will make it 10 weeks without pay. Ten weeks is really nearing my limit. I am now over-maxed out on my credit card and overdrafts. For the next two weeks I will have to live on the spare $5 in my account plus whatever cash I can find. Grrr. It also means I will have to cancel 3 social things. Grrr!

Still. At least I have paid the rent and at least I have food.

But GRRR!!! It is annoying in the extreme and I am now regretting my non-essential spending over the past two months which amounts to a grand total $150. That is not much to spend on non-essentials over two months, especially when I have had to be very frugal, and especially when $70 of that was a Mars Volta ticket.

Grrr! Now I am going to have to be even more frugal. GRRR!!!

So it is going to be an interesting two weeks. I think I will spend this weekend selling stuff on Trade Me. I wonder if the Universe is trying to tell me something?

the four agreements

2006-10-23T14:45:00.000+13:00

Wow. What an amazing book. The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz is fantastic. Maybe it is just where I am at the moment and all the things I have read before this book, but I had light-bulb-flash after light-bulb-flash while reading it. And none of it is really new information either - it is jsut put togehter in a simple and concise and easily accessible way. It is a wonder I have never come across the book before. Maybe I just needed reminding now.

The book is based on Toltec wisdom and describes four agreements that you can adopt as guiding principles:
1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don’t take anything personally.
3. Don’t make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.

Simple, yes. Easy, hmmm...

Here is a good article about the book.

dietary changes. fascinating huh?

2006-10-21T20:53:00.000+13:00

When I was little my favourite things to eat were raw fruit and vegetables and dried fruit. I didn't (and still don't) really like meat or fish. And I didn't like cooked vegetables then and have adjusted to eating cooked vegetables.

Now I seem to be going back to that. My favourite "meals" at the moment are:
half a papaya with lemon juice
OR a handful of raisins
OR a handful of pumpkin seeds
OR three oranges (yeah yeah I LIKE oranges and I like three)
OR a banana
OR a carrot
OR a baked kumara
OR half an avocado
OR soup
OR my latest very delicious cocktail concoction (half a kiwifruit, a quarter of a lemon, orange juice, cranberry juice, amaretto, midori)

And whenever I go to make myself a cup of tea or coffe, 80% of the time I just end up drinking boiling water, sometimes with lemon, sometimes without.

Now this may sound like I am on a diet. I'm not. I don't need to diet. Or it may sound like I have made a decision to do this. No. It just kind of happened. I am just eating and drinking what I feel like eating and drinking. It is very strange that what i feel like eating and drinking has changed so much of it's own accord. And I am wondering why.

I even think that the raw food diet/lifestyle looks more appealing and not cause I care about the poor little cows and sheep. And there have been quite a few days where my diet has been raw food. Although I don't know about cutting out dairy and grains.

But I will say that it is hard eating with people. I end up eating stuff I don't feel like and more than I want to. Then I feel sick and bloated. Visiting my grandmother was difficult because she kept trying to feed me, and I wasn't hungry and I ate far more than I wanted and she still she thought I hadn't eaten enough. Hmmm. Am going to have to think of strategies to handle other people commenting on my eating habits.

And I think my Doctor would have various fits about my diet and lack of red meat and my "meals". But I am not so sure all that mainstream knowledge about nutrition is that accurate. For example about 5 months ago I had quite high cholesterol. So my Doctor gave me lots of pamphlets to read about what to change to reduce my cholesterol. I filed them away and promptly forgot all about it and continued as I was. Then 2 months ago I got a letter to say they wanted to retest my cholesterol levels. I thought "Woops!" and assumed that theyd be about the same cause i hadn't actually done anything and that I'd get a telling off. So I went and had the test and I get a phone message saying "congratulations on reducing my cholesterol and to continue doing what I was doing." Bizarre! I wasn't doing anything!

little miss sunshine

2006-10-17T21:36:00.000+13:00

GO SEE IT!!!!

I laughed so hard I cried. Several times. In the movie theatre. With other people around.

And it is warm and fuzzy too. In a weird way.

I must go again.

GO SEE IT!!!!

delicious links

2006-10-16T17:31:00.000+13:00

I really really really want one of these: Washplanes - Flat Sink It is going on the list. The bathroom of either the isolated west coast beach house and/or the funky inner city loft style apartment should have one or more of these.

Philip K. Dick Book Cover Gallery - what does liking this make me?

Imagination Cubed - Someone please draw with me! I'm not desperate! Honest! ;)

counting

2006-10-16T16:54:00.000+13:00

I am trying to do a new budget. When I finally start getting paid (it'd better be soon) it will be fortnightly instead of monthly, and it will be part-time instead of full-time. Anyway, it is very very frustrating and depressing! If I am frugal and careful and don't do many fun things and don't eat out or buy coffee or clothes or shoes (which I need) or contacts/glasses (which I need) or go to the doctor or dentist (which I should do) or get broadband (which I would like), I figure I can save $300/month. Maybe $400. That is ridiculous! How can I save enough to do anything?! Especially as my savings are also my emergency fund.

Most of my income goes to rent, power, insurance and food. My internet is really cheap (and slow) and I don't have a phone line and I don't spend more than $20/month on my mobile and I don't spend anything on transport/car. And I can't remember when I last bought new clothes or stuff. And I am careful not to go to too many gigs (< $400/year including the BDO). And I only go to 2-3 movies per year. And I don't get dvds out. And I rarely eat out or buy lunches. And I avoid going out to drink because it costs too much. And I never go on holiday. And even though my alcohol collection looks very very extensive it is only so large because I don't drink a lot and people keep giving me alcohol.

I don't understand. Where do other people get money to do things? Maybe I will have to sell my bass rig.

list update of sorts

2006-10-09T20:48:00.000+13:00

I am making progress on the list thing.

I have dyed my hair (item 72). My hair is now brown. Yes it was brown before. That is not the point. The point is that I dyed it. Besides there are lots of different shades of brown.

My gmail account is almost cleared out (item 37). I will finish it tonight I think. Bob reckons that it is horribly unorganised because I just leave all my messages in my Inbox. By cleared out I meant that I had read the hundreds of unread emails in my Inbox. So I am down to 20 unread messages from 600-700ish.

And I don't get why I "should" move things out of my Inbox. Why can't they just stay there?

"55. I know whether my video player works or not"
It works. I put a yoga video in. I think I can cross off item 80 (learn how to do yoga). I already know how to do yoga, I just didn't know I knew. Of course I can't actually do it very well. I am very out of condition. Although the strange thing is that I can still almost do right leg splits (item 82)! It hasn't changed much over the past 10 years even though I haven't done any stretching or exercise at all.

"85. drink a glass of water every morning for 60 days in a row"
I think this will need revising. It is very problematic.
1) I am not good at keeping count
2) I am not a morning person. In general all morning events are a haze and there is no way I am going to remember to drink water let alone remembering if I drank water. Maybe this goal is not that important. (Note: morning equals until 11am or until after the first coffee or two or three - the number required depends on the time. If it is early (ie before 9am) then lots and lots and lots of coffee is needed to get me out of the morning haze).

"95. do a tarot reading for someone other than me"
Done! It was pretty good too. I am quite pleased with myself.

Although I am also a bit p*ssed off with the tarot. It seems to answer other people's questions very clearly and nicely, but all my recent readings for myself have been annoying. For example, I have a decision I really really really want to make. I choose two options and ask the tarot about the outcome for each choice. And the outcomes are basically the same! How annoying is that? It is especially annoying because I have been asking the tarot about this particular question for months now. And it always says the choices are equally bad/good.

"97. throw 5 parties"
This is hard because other people keep having parties. But I see it is Friday 13th this week. Maybe I will throw a spontaneous last minute party and if it is last minute enough then no one will be able to come because they will have other plans and I won't have to clean up before and after and it will still count because I will be partying and dressing up by myself. That sounds reasonable doesn't it?

her name is pansy and she is not that messy

2006-10-06T16:43:00.000+13:00

google gadgets are a bit distracting

I am also completely addicted to bejewelled.

my brain is exploding

2006-10-04T20:04:00.000+13:00

The new job is good. Very interesting. Too interesting. And more work than I can handle.

I am supposed to be working 4 days per week but have been doing 4.5 - 5 days per week and longer than paid hours and there is still too much to do! And I am even contemplating working 6-7 days this week.

This could be a problem. It could end up like this: too interesting -> work too much -> feel underpaid -> feel resentful.

I am also finding it "difficult" (ie brain exploding and overstimulating) because I am working in, let me count.... 8-10 different and completely new to me areas of knowledge/research all at once, many of them requiring proposals in the next week, which isn't much time to absorb entire fields of study. And it seems that it is me that needs to absorb the fields of study rather than other people absorb what I do. Hmmm.

At the same time I am also learning and applying 2-3 newish technical skills. And I have to read and write academic "stuff", which I haven't done in years. I am finding it quite hard to translate my thoughts (which seem to be in either "thing/stuff" mode or programmer mode or blog mode) into academic language. And it is especially hard translating into academic languages that I have never learned. Especially when I am a physical scientist/programmer who has spent the last 4 years working with engineers and almost all these new fields of study are social science. My goodness what a shock! Not only is it a completely different language, it is also a completely different way of thinking! Labyrinthal. Is that a word?

And I keep getting distracted by the fascinating journal databases and it is very very hard not to venture off track when I do a literature search. So many fascinating things! So many potential thesis/research ideas!

So. I am overloaded and distracted and overstimulated and very very busy and enjoying it all immensely but keeping one eye on the potential for it all to turn to custard and thinking I ought to be thinking of strategies.

2006-10-01T17:10:00.000+13:00

Update on 101 Things

26. I have paid off my credit card
27. I have paid off student loan
28. I have paid back all other loans
29. I am getting paid
30. I am getting paid my goal income or better
31. I only work the hours that I am paid for (for 4 weeks in a row)
32. I have my own company
33. My company does something or some things
34. Everyone who owes me money has paid me back
35. Unsubscribe from the unnecessary and unused
36. clear out uni email account
37. clear out gmail account
38. tidy up files on laptop
39. clean sofas DONE

40. reorganize flickr account
41. make a list of all my blogs
42. fix blogs

43. All the USB ports on my laptop are working
44. All my cds/data are backed up and organised
45. My Phd stuff is cleared out, sorted out and stored.
46. All my digital photos are archived
47. I have sold or given away all the books I don’t want
48. I have sold or given away all clothes that I won’t ever wear again unless I absolutely love them
49. I have gotten rid of all shoes that I will never wear again
50. I have sorted out all my stuff into sell/give/throw away and keep pile
51. I have sold/given/thrown away everything in the sell/give/throw away piles
52. All my cds are in storage
53. I have returned all cds that are not mine
54. I have returned all books that are not mine
55. I know whether my video player works or not
56. I have a copy of Doomsday on dvd
57. I own a digital slr

58. I have been to the dentist
59. I have new glasses and/or contacts

60. visit grandmother DONE

61. visit mother

62. get a surfing lesson/s
63. go on a surf holiday
64. see the mars volta live HAVE TICKET...

65. see the queens of the stone age live
66. go to a music festival or gig/concert overseas (not NZ or Australia)
67. go to every art gallery within 1km radius at least once
68. get a professional massage
69. do the waikaremoana lake walk
70. go to a classical concert
71. try rock-climbing
72. dye hair
73. straighten hair
74. get a tattoo
75. try 3 new dance classes
76. visit Greece
77. kayak around Mediterranean
78. visit South America
79. go snowboarding

80. learn how to do yoga
81. regular (5 days/week) pilates/yoga/dance for 2 months
82. I can do right leg splits
83. I can do left leg splits
84. I can do 10 real press ups in a row
85. drink a glass of water every morning for 60 days in a row
86. go to work drinks at least once
87. I smile at everyone I see/meet/talk to (for a week)

88. finish 5 paintings - How do you define finish? I have two "unfinished" paintings on my wall. I am wondering if that is enough.

89. plug my bass in and play it for at least 15 minutes
90. I can play the moonlight sonata on keyboard/piano
91. write a WHOLE song complete and final and finished
92. make a webpage
93. make a webmap
94. do a complete astrological chart/reading for someone other than me
95. do a tarot reading for someone other than me
96. sit in albert park for a day reading and people watching and picnicking and taking photos
97. throw 5 parties ONE DOWN FOUR TO GO

98. make a tarot covers/cases for the decks without covers/cases
99. sell my bead stuff or make something with it
100. read the last 2 books in the grigori series

101. Play a live gig (changed from "find the 1st book in the grigori series")

good reasons to ignore good advice #1

2006-09-17T14:57:00.000+12:00

So there is the current wardrobe philosophy that says you should get rid of everything that doesn't fit you and that you haven't worn for x months. Because apparently if you are not wearing something now, you will never wear it again, and if you don't fit something now you will never fit into it again. It is accepted wisdom. It is also quite wrong.

All the women's magazines tell you about this. And I guess it also fits in with the general "get rid of clutter" thing (feng shui, gtd, general life organisation or whatever). I wonder if one of the reasons they tell you this is to encourage you to buy more new things? But that is a different topic.

I have never followed this sage advice. And I always feel a little guilty when I realise I have clothes stored from 10+ years ago - including clothes that I can't actually get into.

Well. I now feel much better about doing my own thing and ignoring the accepted wisdom about such matters.

I am working on item number 48 of my 101 Things - ie getting rid of clothes that don't fit and that I will never wear again.

And I am discovering that 90% of the clothes that I couldn't bear to part with and couldn't actually fit into for many years now fit!! And look good! And, because I have my own style that is not related to fashion trends, I can wear these clothes now!!! I am quite impressed with myself: I still like/love clothes that I bought 10+ years ago.

This old clothes discovery is a very very very good thing because:
a) I seem to have lost a lot of weight for no reason and my current clothes are mostly far too big now and I have been struggling to find clothes to wear and wondering what to do about the problem.
b) I don't have any money to buy new clothes - and even if I did, I really can't be bothered going shopping and spending money on clothes.
c) I really loved all those clothes that I stored and I am thrilled that I can wear them again!
d) I really do know what I am doing and I should continue to ignore sage advice.

So. In light of this discovery I am updating item number 48 to: get rid of clothes that don't fit unless I love them and may fit into them later, in which case I will store them.

silly people

2006-09-17T12:30:00.000+12:00

Goodness the silly Brash affair thing is annoying. OK. You asked for it. So I almost (but thought better of it) voted at Sir Humphreys like this:

I don't care about if Brash resigns, I just care about why he resigns. My vote is "Brash shouldn't have to resign because of a silly affair." Maybe he should resign for other reasons (such as not being able to do the job), but not for the alleged affair reason.

I don't understand why people are making such a fuss about it all. Well. No. I do understand, it's about sex and sin and people seem to be very interested in and opinionated and uptight about sex, particuarly when people are/aren't having the sort of sex that complete strangers think they should have with the people they think they should have it with. I am quite sure there would be more fuss if the affair was "sordid" and less fuss if he had done something less interesting like I don't know... steal.

And I don't think it is about morals at all. It is about people being annoyed that someone did not behave how they wanted them to. Isn't it? I am quite sure most people do not care about the actual morals of Brash and only care that he appears to act in a way that fits in with their own personal morals. Right? I mean, wouldnt everyone be quite happy if Brash had been spylike enough to not let anyone find out?

And I haven't read all the comments or been paying attention to the media. It's just not that interesting to me. Besides i am quite sure that no one except the parties involved know the whole story.

I really really really don't care about Brash's private life. I think an affair (was there actually an affair?) is a stupid reason to resign and that the whole thing is a silly fuss about something that is not as important as other more important things. Everyone lies and sins and breaks laws. Don't they? I mean, I would make an excellent prime minister and it is not totally inconceivable that I could be married and have what some people might call an affair.

Anway, don't people have better things to gossip about?

101 Things in 1001 Days (or for as long as I feel like)

2006-09-15T19:34:00.000+12:00

Here is my list of 101 Things.

Start date = 15 September 2006.

The first 25 are not for sharing. Yeah I know the tenses are confused. There is a reason.

26. I have paid off my credit card
27. I have paid off student loan
28. I have paid back all other loans
29. I am getting paid
30. I am getting paid my goal income or better
31. I only work the hours that I am paid for (for 4 weeks in a row)
32. I have my own company
33. My company does something or some things
34. Everyone who owes me money has paid me back
35. Unsubscribe from the unnecessary and unused
36. clear out uni email account
37. clear out gmail account
38. tidy up files on laptop
39. clean sofas
40. reorganize flickr account
41. make a list of all my blogs
42. fix blogs

43. All the USB ports on my laptop are working
44. All my cds/data are backed up and organised
45. My Phd stuff is cleared out, sorted out and stored.
46. All my digital photos are archived
47. I have sold or given away all the books I don’t want
48. I have sold or given away all clothes that I won’t ever wear again unless I absolutely love them
49. I have gotten rid of all shoes that I will never wear again
50. I have sorted out all my stuff into sell/give/throw away and keep pile
51. I have sold/given/thrown away everything in the sell/give/throw away piles
52. All my cds are in storage
53. I have returned all cds that are not mine
54. I have returned all books that are not mine
55. I know whether my video player works or not
56. I have a copy of Doomsday on dvd
57. I own a digital slr

58. I have been to the dentist
59. I have new glasses and/or contacts

60. visit grandmother
61. visit mother

62. get a surfing lesson/s
63. go on a surf holiday
64. see the mars volta live
65. see the queens of the stone age live
66. go to a music festival or gig/concert overseas (not NZ or Australia)
67. go to every art gallery within 1km radius at least once
68. get a professional massage
69. do the waikaremoana lake walk
70. go to a classical concert
71. try rock-climbing
72. dye hair
73. straighten hair
74. get a tattoo
75. try 3 new dance classes
76. visit Greece
77. kayak around Mediterranean
78. visit South America
79. go snowboarding

80. learn how to do yoga
81. regular (5 days/week) pilates/yoga/dance for 2 months
82. I can do right leg splits
83. I can do left leg splits
84. I can do 10 real press ups in a row
85. drink a glass of water every morning for 60 days in a row
86. go to work drinks at least once
87. I smile at everyone I see/meet/talk to (for a week)

88. finish 5 paintings
89. plug my bass in and play it for at least 15 minutes
90. I can play the moonlight sonata on keyboard/piano
91. write a WHOLE song complete and final and finished
92. make a webpage
93. make a webmap
94. do a complete astrological chart/reading for someone other than me
95. do a tarot reading for someone other than me
96. sit in albert park for a day reading and people watching and picnicking and taking photos
97. throw 5 parties
98. make a tarot covers/cases for the decks without covers/cases
99. sell my bead stuff or make something with it
100. read the last 2 books in the grigori series
101. find the 1st book in the grigori series

1 in 10

2006-09-15T12:50:00.000+12:00

I like this 101 Things in 1001 Days idea very much. Thanks Michael!

However, it is too much right at now. So. I am going to do 1 thing in 10 days.

I wonder what I should do? Hmmm... something easy.

OK. Got it. Here is the list (can it be a list if there is only one thing on it?)

1. Write a draft list of potential things to put on the 101 things list.

And people think I procrastinate...

the mars volta are coming!

2006-09-07T18:34:00.000+12:00

in a few months.

in other news i like "godspeed you! black emperor's" album "Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven"

why oh why are we so in denial...

2006-09-05T23:59:00.000+12:00

..when we know we're not happy here

Late is better than never. I absolutely love this cover of Hey Ya! (by Mat Weddle of Obadiah Parker). I came across it while looking for the Polyphonic Spree's cover of Lithium (also great).

suze's easy peasey guide to time management

2006-08-24T21:39:00.000+12:00

I like Steve Pavlina's general approach to time managent. My version is very loosely based on it. Actually, I may have gone off on a tangent. Nevermind.

Anyway, not only is a guide to time management, but it is a guide to life!

Decide what really matters and what you really want.
Do those things first.
Everything else will sort itself out. Or not. But it doesn't matter because it doesn't matter!

Note: what really matters might change. Check in with yourself regularly to make sure that you aren't doing what really mattered 5 years ago.

pretty pretty letters!

2006-08-24T21:05:00.000+12:00

Thanks AL.

Click here to see this blog in Arabic. Cool huh? Who knows how accurate it is. But it looks beautiful!!!

You can do other translations here.

hmmm

2006-08-23T19:04:00.000+12:00

So I was blissfully ignorant of the "Boobs on Bikes" parade and surrounding kerfufflism. Until I had to get across Queen St to Aotea Square at lunch time today. There were people EVERYWHERE! They were in my way!!! There was the Supersize My Pay march and rally in Aotea Square (clever idea that) then the "Boobs on Bikes" parade down Queen St.

Fascinating.

I have been completely peopled out for the past few days so I wasn't exactly in a crowd mood, and there I was stuck in a huge crowd. Luckily I had my camera and phone to amuse myself with.

The crowd was interesting. Far more so than the BOBs. For me anyway. Most everyone else seemed fascinated by the BOBs. I have no idea why. The BOBs were boring. Maybe the preceeding kerfuffle made the whole thing seem naughty and prohibited and therefore more exciting? I really do not know.

Anyway. I was a little disturbed. Not by the BOBs. Not by the lack of morality. I don't think it was immoral. The thing that disturbed me was the way in which the crowd seemed to perceive the BOBs - as something more than just BOBs.

And is it just me or do people seem to be getting more and more brainwashed and sheeplike?

mars bar vodka mixer

2006-08-21T19:30:00.000+12:00

I made Mars (Moro) Bar vodka. It was good. It was strong. I needed to be able to stand. I needed a mixer.

I had a(nother) brilliant idea. Do not use ice. Do not use milk. Do not use Baileys (and defeat the purpose of lessening the alcohol content). Use vanilla ice cream. Movenpick. Delicious!

When I am not trying to decrease the alcohol content I will mix the Mars Bar vodka with my vanilla infused vodka. Lucky next birthday friend. They will get to drink yummy suze chocolate martinis.

the matrix and gnosticism

2006-08-09T19:10:00.000+12:00

Here is an interesting article that points out the Gnostic elements in The Matrix (thanks Lucyna).

I didn't realise just how clever the script writers were.

a sense of duty

2006-08-08T18:48:00.000+12:00

Lucyna is asking whether I have a sense of duty. I have to go look it up because I don't really know...

OK. After a quick search... I STILL don't know!! Here is the basic definition of "a sense of duty":
"a motivating awareness of ethical responsibility"

If I don't know whether I have a sense of duty how am I going to know whether I have a motivating awareness of ethical responsibility (whatever that means)? Silly words.

I will have to do more research. I *think* I have a sense of duty, but I am not absolutely sure. I also suspect that a sense of duty is related to morals/ethics and I know for certain that my morals are not the same as most other people's. Although I DO have them!

puzzled

2006-08-07T23:18:00.000+12:00

I am observing from the sidelines. People are strange. They are seemingly inconsistent, but I guess their seeming inconsistencies just reveal aspects of their beliefs. I am quite sure I am just as inconsistent, even if I don't see it myself.

I am bemused, apparently people care about things like:
the survival of the human race
climate change (haha)
winning the "war"

And I don't care about any of those things. And I am not apathetic either, I am perhaps more idealistic than apathetic if that makes sense (and I fully expect it not to make sense). I don't "not care" in that way.

And I don't get why other people do care, but when I ask people "but why?" they think I am asking stupid questions. "Why?" is not a stupid question. I really truly do not get it. And I want to. And how am I supposed to get it if I don't ask why?

delicious links

2006-08-07T17:53:00.000+12:00

Artist, Peter Callesen creates the most amazingly beautiful sculptures just by cutting out A4 paper. Seriously stunning.

A 42 string guitar with 4 necks.

I have only just discovered Bartleby. It publishes the classics of literature, nonfiction, and reference for free.

If I had an iPod (grr) and I lived in London (grrr) I would be using my iPod to find myself: iSubway Maps and iPod Directions.

And finally, the likebetter game. A cool interweb distraction thing: psychology + photos + quiz/test + interweb + time waster + it's all about me!!! The first results have not been entirely accurate, I mean a logical, conservative, religious guy in his 20s with a clean desk and no empathy?!!! Um. If that is what I am like, no wonder no one likes me!

Although I suppose I was lazy and with a lot of the pictures I didn't have a preference (or couldnt decide or wished there was another option)and just clicked the right hand one (because I like clicking on the right hand side better) and a lot of these statements I'd be hard pushed to answer about myself, and I know myself quite well!

You're the kind of person who thinks first and acts later.
You communicate best one-on-one.
I bet you find it hard to empathize with other people.
When it comes to politics, you're conservative.
You study/work better with music playing in the background.
You are right-handed.
You're a night person
You feel energized by meeting lots of new people.
You're a religious person
You probably like to take things as they come.
You're a guy
Your desk is pretty clean right now.
You often employ logic in your decision-making.
Seems like you don't mind indulging in some junk food now and then.
You are more comfortable with clear and concrete information.
You're in your twenties.

Jesus Says

2006-08-06T23:37:00.000+12:00

The Gospel of Thomas is interesting indeed. I stumbled across it (again) in my travels. I have come across it before, it seems to be something I come across every so often and it is by far the most interesting and relevant aspect of Christianity to me. Although I'm not sure it IS Christianity. I don't care about details like that.

Anyway, this time The Gospel of Thomas is different (yeah I'm different). This time there are flashes in my mind as I read. And some intriguing puzzles that tease the edges of my awareness. But puzzles are good, not as good as flashes, but good nonetheless.

Here are a few that captured my attention:

"Whoever penetrates the meaning of these words will not taste death"

"Those who seek should not stop seeking until they find. When they find, they will be disturbed. When they are disturbed, they will marvel, and will reign over all."
"Recognize what is before you, and what is hidden from you will be revealed to you; for there is nothing hidden that will not be made manifest."

"Do not lie. And do not do what you hate. For everything is disclosed in view of . For there is nothing hidden that will not become revealed. And there is nothing covered that will remain undisclosed."

"Perhaps people think that I have come to cast peace upon the world. They do not know that I have come to cast conflicts upon the earth: fire, sword, war. For there will be five in a house: there'll be three against two and two against three, father against son and son against father, and they will stand alone."

The disciples say to Jesus: "Tell us what our end will be." Jesus says: "Have you then deciphered the beginning, that you ask about the end? For where the beginning is, there shall be the end. Blessed is the man who reaches the beginning; he will know the end, and will not taste death!"

Jesus saw some little ones nursing. He said to his disciples, "These little ones who are nursing resemble is those who enter the kingdom." They said to him, "So shall we enter the kingdom by being little ones?" Jesus said to them, "When you (plur.) make the two one and make the inside like the outside and the outside like the inside and the above like the below, and that you might make the male and the female be one and the same, so that the male might not be male nor the female be female, when you make eyes in place of an eye and a hand in place of a hand and a foot in place of a foot, an image in place of an image - then you will enter [the kingdom]."

His disciples said to him, "When will the kingdom come?" "It will not come by watching for it. It will not be said, 'Look, here!' or 'Look, there!' Rather, the Father's kingdom is spread out upon the earth, and people don't see it."

“If those who lead you say to you, ‘See, the kingdom is in the sky,’ then the birds of the sky will precede you. If they say to you, ‘It is in the sea,’ then the fish will precede you. Rather, the kingdom is inside of you, and it is outside of you. When you come to know yourselves, then you will become known, and you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living father. But if you will not know yourselves, you dwell in poverty and it is you who are that poverty.”
"He who seeks will find, and he who knocks will be let in."

"Why do you wash the outside of the cup, and do not think that he who made the inside made the outside also?"

"He who is near to me is near the fire, and he who is far from me is far from the kingdom."

"I am the light that is above them all. I am the all; the all came forth from me, and the all attained to me. Cleave a (piece of) wood; I am there. Raise up a stone, and you will find me there."

"There are many standing at the door, but it is the solitary who will enter the bridal chamber."

"If you have gained this within you, what you have will save you. If you do not have this in [you], what you do not have in you [will] kill you."

"He who knows the all, (but) fails (to know) himself, misses everything."

"I speak my mysteries to those [who are worthy of my] mysteries. What your right hand does, let not your left hand know what it does."

"I have cast fire upon the world, and see, I am guarding it until it blazes."

delicious links

2006-07-31T20:35:00.000+12:00

Disused stations on London's Underground

Politically Incorrect Alphabet

25 Ways to Suppress the Truth

An Incomplete Mainfesto For Growth

10 bands

2006-07-27T18:36:00.000+12:00

Stolen from Cheezy. Go there if you want to read how/why etc. If you think you might want to do this, go there NOW before reading my list.

1. Deftones
2. AFI
3. Tool
4. Incubus
5. Arcade Fire
6. The Blood Brothers
7. 7 Dials
8.The Mountain Goats
9. Red Hot Chili Peppers
10. Nirvana

1. What was the first song you ever heard by 6?
Love Rhymes with Hideous Car Wreck

2. What is your favourite album of 8?
The Sunset Tree

3. What is your favourite lyric of 5?
They say it fades if you let it,
love was made to forget it.
I carved your name across my eyelids,
you pray for rain I pray for blindness.

If you still want me, please forgive me,
the crown of love is fallen from me.
If you still want me, please forgive me,
because the spark is not within me.

4. How many times have you seen 4 live?
Twice

5. What is your favourite song by 7?
Oh. Track no 4 on the cd of the 7 dials tape that a friend made for me. Anyone know what a) the tape was called and b) what track no 4 was called? I think he is singing something like "listen to the freight train...I'm an emotional freight train" I think.

6. Is there a song of 3 that makes you sad?
No. Not "sad" as such.

7.What is your favourite lyric of 9?
I don't like them for their lyrics. But these resonate:

Sometimes I feel
Like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel
Like my only friend
Is the city I live in
The city of angels
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

8. What is your favourite song by 1?
Deathblow

9. How did you get into 8?
Friend played me one song and on the strength of that one song and because I had also heard of them I bought the entire album (The Sunset Tree) and was very very very well rewarded.

10. What is your favourite song by 4?
Idiot Box

11. How many times have you seen 1 live?
Never.

12. What is a good memory concerning 2?
Listening to their latest album (decemberunderground) continuously all weekend while I was stuck at work (and all of my 10 huors at work today). It made it being at work more bearable.

13. Is there a song by 2 that makes you sad?
This Time Imperfect
The Leaving Song Part II (everyone I know goes away in the end)

14. What is your favourite song of 6?
Love Rhymes with Hideous Car Wreck

15. How did you become a fan of 10?
I can't remember. Does anyone remember how they became a Nirvana fan. How could you not? It is was one of those inevitable things.
I heard the song (Smells Like Teen Spirit) bought the album (I'm good at just knowing what albums are good without ever having heard them) and that was it.

Our Deepest Fear

2006-07-18T19:38:00.000+12:00

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

by Marianne Williamson from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles

trust yourself

2006-07-17T19:27:00.000+12:00

I have been struggling lately with the trusting myself. You know, trusting my intuition over and above everyone else's well-intentioned advice. It is hard because intellectually I agree with the advice, and the "facts" agree with the advice. It is also hard because looked at logically following my intuition will quite likely lead to me getting hurt, whereas the sensible advice focuses on protecting myself, which is very sensible really.

So it is nice when several random happenings reinforce the "trust yourself" message.

The latest being an email in my inbox saying "listen to you, not them"

bsg

2006-07-17T19:23:00.000+12:00

I have finally finished watching the last episode of the second series. How totally unexpected! I had been warned that everything changes, but I certainly hadn't expected this! And I am not easily surprised, especially by TV.

Hmmm.

books and things

2006-07-16T18:13:00.000+12:00

I was in a book shop yesterday. I really really should have stayed away. If I go into a bookshop I always leave with a book. A friend was with me and was saying things like "you don't need to buy the book, you can just come back and read it," or "you can just get it out of the library." She doesn't understand. She loves reading, but she doesn't love books. I love reading and books. Visitor books are OK, but I infinitely prefer family books (ie books that live with me). Besides, for some reason I never really read visitor books. Although, having said that, I don't always read the books I buy either. Nevermind. They have a good home and that is all that matters. Hopefully they don't feel neglected.

Does anyone else buy books because they feel sorry for them and/or want them to have a good home?

blood sugar baby

2006-07-15T17:32:00.000+12:00

I have finally gotten around to reacquiring blood sugar sex magik. About time. It must be one of my all time favourite albums. How come it is only my all time favourite albums that disappear into the void?

Tomorrow I will get out my bass and play along. It is one of the funnest albums to play bass along to.

desert island ipod

2006-07-09T17:58:00.000+12:00

I am waiting for my program to crash. So. Here is a list of newish discoveries and some old favourites. Think of it as my desert island ipod. Why limit yourself to a cd? A cd can't even play itself.

Because I don't have forever, I will just stick to entire albums, not individual songs.

Low - The Great Destroyer
Raising The Fawn - The North Sea
The Mountain Goats - The Sunset Tree
The Mountain Goats - Tallahassee
Philip Glass - Solo Piano
Tool - Opiate
Tool - Undertow
Tool - Aenema
Maceo Parker - Life On Planet Groove
Leonard Cohen - Best Of
The National - Alligator
Queens of the Stone Age - Rated R
Queens of the Stone Age - Songs For The Deaf
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magick
Jeff Buckley - Grace
Guillemots - From the Cliffs
God Speed You Black Emperor! - Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas To Heaven
Red House Painters - Red House Painters
Def Leppard - Hysteria
Guns n Roses - Appetite For Destruction
Tegan and Sara - So Jealous
Nirvana - Nevermind
Nirvana - MTV Unplugged
Smashing Pumpkins - Siamese Dream
Smashing Pumpkins - Pisces Iscariot
Skid Row - Best Of
Inxs - Kick
Blondie - Best Of
Jacqueline du Pre - Best Of
Eagles of Death Metal - Peace Love Death Metal
Delays - You See Colours
Death From Above 1979 - Romance Bloody Romance
Death Cab For Cutie - Plans
Catherine Wheel - Adam & Eve
Soundgarden - Superunknown
Radiohead - The Bends
The Blood Brothers - Crimes
The Arcade Fire - Funeral
The Black Heart Procession - The Spell
The Black Heart Procession - Amore Del Tropico
Faith No More - The Real Thing
Blink 182 - Blink 182
Offspring - Smash
AFI - Decemberunderground
Deftones - Deftones
Deftones - White Pony
Incubus - Science
Incubus - Make Yourself
Supergroove - Traction
Garageland - Last Exit To Garageland
Explosions In The Sky - The Earth Is Not a Cold Place
Jimmy Eat World - Clarity
Goldfrapp - Black Cherry
Goldfrapp - Supernature
Jose Gonzalez - Veneer
Hot Chip - The Warning
Unkle - Neverland
The Legendary Shack Shakers - Panderlerium
Mazzy Star - So Tonight I Might See
Johnny Cash - American III: Solitary Man
Johnny Cash - American IV - The Man Comes Around
Nick Cave - Best Of
Thursday - A City By The Light Divided
Damian "Junior Gong" Marley - Welcome to Jamrock
Sufjan Stevens - Illinois
The Von Bondies - Pawn Shoppe Heart
Sinch - Sinch
Sinch - Clearing the Channel
Pluto - Pipe Line Under The Ocean
NERD - Fly or Die
The Mars Volta - De-louse in the Comatorium
Mark Lannegan - Bubblegum
Mark Hollis - Mark Hollis
Marilyn Manson - Mechanical Animals
Future Stupid - Cannonfodder
Fly My Pretties - Live at Bats
Filter - Title of Record
Coheed & Cambria - Good Apollo I'm Burning Star IV
Cat Stevens - Best Of
The Cars - Best Of
Cake - Fashion Nugget
Bloc Party - Slilent Alarm
Neko Case - Fox Confessor Bring the Flood
Portishead - Portishead
Massive Attack - Mezzanine
Alice in Chains - Dirt
Soundtrack - Romeo & Juliet
Soundtrack - Singles
Soundtrack - Natural Born Killers
Placebo - Without You I Am Nothing

OK. I'm sure I've missed some very important albums. Nevermind. My program hasn't crashed yet, but it has been running for as long as it has taken me to write this list. I'd better go see what is taking it so long...

low mountain goats

2006-07-07T18:00:00.000+12:00

I am absolutely loving these two albums:

The Great Destroyer by Low

The Sunset Tree by The Mountain Goats

Perfectly heartbreaking. Both of them. Exquisite, intense, beautiful, wistful, accepting and sad. Somehow they make that hollowed out part of my soul deeper and more obvious. Somehow they make me feel emptier and more alive both at the same time. Perfect soundtracks for now.

Low is a slowcore/sadcore band. Minimal. Beautiful. I love their music, partly because it sounds like my music. Up until just recently I had only heard the odd song here and there, but a few weeks ago I bought their 2005 album The Great Destroyer. It is fantastic. Yes there are sad, slow parts. But there are also loud, happy, distorted parts. I love it because it resonates. It is beautiful, sad, distorted, dark, happy, delicate and intense. It sends shivers through me. It makes the stars seem closer. It makes me cry. Not many things can do that all that.

I am ashamed to admit I have ignored The Mountain Goats until a few weeks ago. I hadn't even heard one song. But The Sunset Tree is brilliant. Wow. Mostly acoustic. Lo-fi. Quirky. Almost folky but not. Singer-songwriter but better. And I can't explain it. And then there are the intelligent, quirky lyrics that say something. And beautiful melodies. And that X factor. Shivers. Smiles. Tears.

delicious links of the day

2006-07-07T17:52:00.000+12:00

How to Avoid Smalltalk. Yay! Just what I always wanted! I absolutely detest small talk. I'd rather look weird/strange/out of place than make small talk. I'd rather not talk to anyone than make small talk.

Developer's Guide to Surviving Meetings. I seem to have done quite well at avoiding meetings so far, but you never know when I may have to attend long pointless boring meetings. The guide is not just for developers. I am sure it would work for anyone who needs to stay sane in meetings.

My current technique is "Camouflage Sketching" except I don't camouflage it and I sketch/doodle when I am interested and listening as well as when I am bored. I listen and think and absorb information 100x better if I doodle pretty designs at the same time.

Oooh! Pretty designer barcodes!

Eubonic Code. I find this amusing. I guess I am geek.

And, last but definitely the opposite of least: Imagining the Tenth Dimension. String theory! Dimensions! Visualization! So exciting!!!! Yes. Very geek indeed.

odd dietary changes

2006-07-03T20:53:00.000+12:00

Well I haven't been eating much at all (not hungry, nausea etc) but when I do eat I have noticed these differences:

1) I eat a lot less than I used to (for no reason other than I don't feel like it)
2) I feel like eating different types of food. I have gone off sugar, chocolate, junk food, chips, cakes, biscuits etc. I have had to throw packets out because I opened them then didn't feel like finishing them. And this weekend I threw out a chocolate cake and i will probably end up throwing out half a pecan pie today or tomorrow. Instead I am eating what I would call "healthy and wholesome" food. I actually crave things like chick peas and wholegrain bread and porridge and salad and fish and nuts and fruit and vegetables. My favourite breakfast is porridge with fruit and herbs. My favourite lunch is salad and my favourite dinner is soup or some sort of vegetable/grain/salad invention. I still have to remind myself to eat red meat though.

It is very odd. I can't figure out why my food tastes have completely flipped for no apparent reason. Why?!!! And even I think my tastes are now quite weird. Here is my latest invented recipe which I love, but I suspect will be disgusting to everyone else:

Kumara, Chickpea and Tuna salad
Cook kumara and cut into pieces
Add chickpeas and tuna and a little mayo/yoghurt.
Experiment with adding various additional vegetables, herbs and nuts.

random is interesting

2006-06-29T21:14:00.000+12:00

How can you just leave me standing?
Alone in a world that's so cold? (So cold)
Maybe I'm just 2 demanding
Maybe I'm just like my father 2 bold
Maybe you're just like my mother
She's never satisfied (She's never satisfied)
Why do we scream at each other
This is what it sounds like
When doves cry

What do doves sound like? Why would doves cry?

i write down good reasons to freeze to death

2006-06-28T22:38:00.000+12:00

i write down good reasons to freeze to death
in my spiral ring notebook
- The Mountain Goats.

Goodness it is cold! I might even have to get my heater out. Last night I wore socks and sweatpants and two icebreakers to bed with a hot water bottle. Tonight I will repeat except I will wear icebreaker socks instead of cotton socks and I will get my second duvet as well.

well that explains it...

2006-06-27T19:35:00.000+12:00

Here is an interesting article about how our immaturity levels are rising. No wonder certain people are so immature and lacking in wisdom.

timers

2006-06-27T19:20:00.000+12:00

I have been looking for free, simple software that will let me press "Start" when I start a certain task, "Pause" when I pause it, and then "Stop" when, you know, I stop it.

It's because I detest timesheets and I keep thinking there must be a better system than scribbling illegible numbers on loose bits of scrap paper. And no, entering times into my timesheet as I go is not practical. Our brand new timesheet system is unbelievably slow, unwieldy and annoying to use.

So I want something like Clockwork, but not web-based. And I want something as simple and small as the Outlook compatible TaskBlaze, but with a few more options (eg pause, multiple tasks, export to file, save). If you can recommend anything, let me know.

Oh. BTW I found this kind of cool piece of software: TimeSnapper. It takes regular shots of your screen over the week and then, when it is timesheet time you can watch a movie of how you spent the week. I have yet to test it and I have no idea if it provides any useful information, especially for chronic multitaskers like me (I usually have 6-8 Applications open at once, including Firefox, which will usually have at least 10 tabs open).

things to do from delicious

2006-06-27T19:05:00.000+12:00

Because I have no life and nothing better to do.

Make Sun Tea
Improve my gmail skills
Try some Hot Sauces
Make Fire From Ice (it is certainly cold enough!)
Embed an mp3 in a gif

gay marriage & drugs

2006-06-25T01:27:00.000+12:00

Here is an article with a perspective on the gay marriage debate that I haven't heard before.

Gay Marriage & Brain Drugs by Stuart Wilde

I think it is interesting and amusing.

soundtracks of me

2006-06-21T18:20:00.000+12:00

Chefen at Sir Humphreys has finally gotten around to the important stuff. They are compiling a soundtrack of the decade. I can't nominate just one song, so I am stealing the idea and making my own soundtrack. Double album of course. This will take a while...

soundtrack of my life today

2006-06-21T17:03:00.000+12:00

This may change

DISC ONE
1. Love Rhymes With Hideous Car Crash - The Blood Brothers
2. Future Boy -Catherine Wheel
3. Friend is a Four Letter Word - Cake
4. Just What I Needed - The Cars
5. Valentine - Delays
6. Why I Stay - The Black Heart Procession
7. Lover, You Should've Come Over - Jeff Buckley
8. Stabbed in the Back of the Heart - Burning Brides
9. Waste of Space - Delays
10. Someday You Will Be Loved - Death Cab For Cutie
11. Hurt - Johnny Cash
12. Have You Forgotten - Red House Painters
13. Quiet Liar - Handsome
14. Sugar in the Sacrament - Thursday
15. You Lied - Peach
16. I'm Not the Only One - Filter
17. Something I Can Never Have - Nine Inch Nails
18. We Came Along This Road - Nick Cave

DISC TWO
1. Come Back - Garageland
2. Mr Brightside - The Killers
3. Hey Ya! - Outkast
4. No One Knows - Queens of the Stone Age
5. Already Died - Eagles of Death Metal
6. Cats Eyes - Guillemots
7. For Whatever Reason - Supergroove
8. Wake Up - Coheed and Cambria
9. Voodoo Girl - Loves Ugly Children
10. Ichabod - The Legendary Shack Shakers
11. Wake Up - The Arcade Fire
12. I Just Wanna Live - Good Charlotte
13. I Miss You - Blink 182
14. Life Will Be The Same - Betchadupa
15. To Sheila - The Smashing Pumpkins
16. Pale Green Things - The Mountain Goats
17. Finality - Dimmer
18. Metamorphosis One - Philip Glass

to ignore

2006-06-21T13:46:00.000+12:00

to refuse to pay attention to; to disregard
to refuse to acknowledge
to bar from attention or consideration
to fail to notice
to give little or no attention to
to be ignorant of or in the dark about

to force a line engraved

2006-06-19T17:03:00.000+12:00

This isn’t wise they say
to force a line engraved
though we may come close
these things won’t ever change

The Black Heart Procession. My new favourite band. He said "give me four songs to convince you." It took four seconds. I have only heard one album. Amore del Tropico. It is dark and bleak with a lounge feel and strings. Depressed cool. So appropriate. Now I must go check out their other albums.

this is why i stay
but this is why i must go...

I am completely addicted..

2006-06-18T18:39:00.000+12:00

..to BSG. I have been trying to not watch anymore episodes (7 so far this weekend) but I think I am going to give in. After all, what if I get hit by a bus tomorrow? And everyone does say that I must make use of this valuable "being single" time. What better use than a 20 episode BSG marathon?

apathetic or enlightened?

2006-06-18T18:14:00.000+12:00

I'm wondering: am I enlightened or just apathetic?

Zen's latest post at Sir Humphreys asks if redefining the word marriage (to include gays) is OK, why not then redefine the word Maori.Why not indeed. I could care less.

Some people are saying that for two gay people to marry, and declare it a marriage equal to a heterosexual marriage is dangerously diluting the meaning of marriage. They get scoffed at for this concept that two gay people could somehow threaten a heterosexual marriage, by redefining the meaning of marriage.

So how could a Maori person say their Maoriness is affected by my desire to be recognised by the State as Maori? I am not hurting them in anyway, I am just requesting that the state recognise my wishes to have equal footing (recognition and legal) with other Maori, since I have a commitment to be Maori, and Maori is after all, the consequence of being born in NZ.

It is interesting because I was thinking of this, but couldn't be fckd commenting (apathetic). I was going to comment (but didn't - more apathetic) that:

My perspective is that most of the things that I value are not defined by the law. I know that's unusual and probably a result of me not caring what other people think. For example, I could care less if the University went around giving "my degree" away to random people. I suspect most people would care though, because they have worked hard and need some sort of outside recognition of their work and achievements. They see the official piece of paper as the degree, not what they have learned.

Is that like what you are saying? That you would like some recognition from society? That you don't want to give marriage away to the undeserving and unqualified and those that have not worked as hard as you. Because that would make your Marriage piece of paper meaningless?

That is why I don't think whether I have children or not would make a difference to my viewpoint - I don't care what society thinks of me and I don't need outside recognition for what I do. Maybe it's a personality thing.

It is like at work. They give out certificates to recognise hard work and people who do special things. I detest these certificates. They mean absolutely nothing to me and I hate having to waste time going to receive them. Receiving certificates and recognition is more likely to make me slack off (in order not to receive recognition) than to work harder.

So personally I don't care about most labels, laws and outside definitions, but I know that most people do. So if I don't care, why comment? Maybe it's because I like to make sure people realise that there are people like me and that not everyone thinks/believes as they do.

Why I don't like Statistics (apart from the obvious)

2006-06-15T23:34:00.000+12:00

Statistics are lies about the past. Well maybe not outright lies, maybe more like well-intentioned lies, or things that were (sort of) true if a certain person scrunched their eyes and mind in the right way. I have done statistics and research and I have watched other people do statistics and research and I have read statistics and research and I am less than convinced. I get less convinced the more I read.

More importantly, the lies that statistics tell are certainly not true now. There is no published statistic for now. And there is no published statistic for the future.

People are individuals. People change.

metamorphosis one

2006-06-15T18:33:00.000+12:00

That music! Wow! It is stunning. Melancholy and intense and beautiful. Exactly my kind of music.

You know the music I am talking about... from epsiode two of season two. It is called Metamorphosis One, and it is composed by Philip Glass and you can find it on his album called Solo Piano. Thank you interweb. Without you I wouldn't even know what it was and I wouldn't have it playing right now, ten minutes after thinking "I must have this."

Metamorphosis One... how appropriate.

fence sitting is for thinkers and questioners

2006-06-14T22:12:00.000+12:00

Yet another post. This is what I get for participating, I should've just ignored it all.

Anyway, Zen raised some very good questions about the gay marriage thingamyjig (how do you spell that?).

It's like what I usually do... never decide about something because I'm always asking annoying questions "what do you mean by that?" and "what if?" and "why?" Because naturally the answer always depends on more than just the question and everyone knows (well they don't, but perhaps they ought to) that there is more than one Truth.

Somewhere along the way I have changed. I wonder why I am quite willing to not fence sit (on this issue at least). I speculate that it might be one of these things:
1. I don't care (very likely)
2. I am experimenting with extremes (possible)
3. My brain is not working at the moment (very likely)
4. I am tired (true)
5. I am really 100% Pro Gay marriage (impossible to give this a probability)
6. My current state (definitely)
7. Not my problem (likely)
8. The entire argument/question does not fit in with my life viewpoint (extremely likely - I find it difficult to answer the question because it doesn't really make sense from where I sit)
9. I am crazy (true and false)

I don't get it

2006-06-14T21:46:00.000+12:00

Admittedly my brain is utter Garbage at the moment and it is probably obvious to everyone else and I get the feeling I should know better and that I am being an Idiot. But I don't get this:

If the Ceylons can hack a network of fuddy duddy computers that they are not connected to, why can't they hack into the individual fuddy duddy computers that they are not connected to?

Adam & Eve

2006-06-14T21:39:00.000+12:00

This album by The Catherine Wheel is fantastic! I am discovering it all over again. I think it may be one of my all time favourites.

Currently I am listening to Future Boy on continual play. It made me cry, and the words aren't even sad... the voice and music are just very evocative of something indescribable. A brilliant song in a brilliant album.

let them marry chairs?!

2006-06-14T21:18:00.000+12:00

So the Marriage topic has popped up again at Sir Humphreys. This time it is the Gay Marriage flavour.

Until just now I have been studiously ignoring it, because I really do not care at the moment. And because I have expressed my opinion extensively in the past. Oh. Wait. I have just searched my blog. It is probably more accurate to say that I have gone on and on and on and on and on and on about the topic in the past.

Of course. I am a completely different person from when I wrote those posts. I will go re-read them and see if I still agree with myself.

Interestingly I chose to be on the "Pro" gay marriage side this time. This is what I said:

I don't really care. But if I have to choose, then I choose "Pro" because what does it really matter? If people want to marry someone of the same sex let them. If people want to marry more than one person let them. If people want to marry chairs let them.

It is interesting because I used to be quite the fence-sitter. Bob thinks I am lacking commitment and Bob thinks I am ungrounded, indecisive, flake who never gets anything done. I think they are quite wrong. Just because I don't do/think/believe/behave like they/society want me to does not mean I am any of those things. Some things that are important to everyone else are just not important to me. And vice versa.

eye colour

2006-06-14T20:34:00.000+12:00

My eyes are changing colour. Or I am going crazy. Or both.

They have been looking lighter (hazel-green-gold) over the years. I am quite sure they started out as dark brown. At least I think they did.

And it is only in certain light and it is not a dramatic change, but it is definitely a change.

So of course I googled the topic and discovered that yes eye colour can change in adults. Who knew?!

BSG Two

2006-06-14T18:14:00.000+12:00

I have 20 episodes of BSG series 2 to watch! Yay!!!

odd day

2006-06-12T12:39:00.000+12:00

Odd day.

I had a sleepless night, tossing and turning. I am not a morning person. Usually I have to drag myself out of bed at 8:30. But today I am wide awake at 6am and panicking with these thoughts running through my head:

Something is going to happen. I wish Bob was here. I must get out of here. I wish I wasn't alone. No, I am being silly. It is not even that stormy. There is no rain. No, I must get up and get out and find people. There are no people to find. There is no one to call. No. I am being silly. Nothing is wrong. I wish I wasn't alone. I wish I had someone to call.

So I lie in bed trying to ignore the voice in my head which keeps getting louder and louder and I get more and more scared for no good reason. Eventually it gets too much, so I get out of bed, have a quick shower, throw on some clothes and go to work.

I am not usually at work at 7am, so I am surprised to see there are quite a few people there. It feels safer to be around people.

I work for a bit. Then sometime around 8:30 we have a major power blackout.

I really hope that was what was bothering me.

I'm glad I woke up and was at work ridiculously early. I'm glad I was with people who knew what was going on. If I had been home alone I would've been in a state. Blackout + storm + being woken up early in the morning with DANGER thoughts and feelings + home alone with no communication and no one to call anyway = panicky terrified suze.

Anyway, I sat at work for a few hours listening to the updates and doing nothing then I came home. Home has power. Work doesn't. Cool. I suppose I ought to locate my torch and batteries - I know they must be somewhere... I am not as well prepared as I ought to be. I don't have a radio and my torch is misplaced and I don't have a landline and my mobile is unreliable. Although I do have candles and water and food and alcohol and a gas cooker. It could be worse.
Although it would be nice to have someone to celebrate the storm and unexpected day off with.

delicious links

2006-06-07T22:50:00.000+12:00

Extreme Instability - Some amazing storm photography.

Maybe renting isn't so bad after all.

Battery Powered USB charger - I'd make this if I had any of the tools.

gift buying ickiness

2006-05-30T19:08:00.000+12:00

I have an engagement gift to buy (I also have a wedding gift to buy, but that is for my brother so it can wait till I am inspired and have money). I hate buying engagement/wedding gifts. They are silly things.

Anyway, I thought the interweb might be able to help me. It wasn't at all helpful. I found lots and lots of really cool things that I could buy for me. I found lots of expensive things. But I didn't find anything within my budget that the couple in question would like. It is hard because the couple in question probably earn 5-6 times as much as I do. Usually in such cases, a thoughtful gift is appropriate. But I realised I have no clue as to what the couple in question would like. A thoughtful gift is completely out of the question.

thursday delays

2006-05-28T19:38:00.000+12:00

So there have been some big releases from some big bands recently. And I have been unmoved. Instead, I have been thrashing my two recent discoveries. I think both these albums are brilliant:

Thursday - A City By the Light Divided
Thursday are emo/post-hardcore. I LOVE this album. It is intense and beautiful and aggresive and delicate. It resonates. It draws me in. Wow. If only I could find a person like this album.

Delays - You See Colours
Delays are brit-pop/indie-rock. This album makes me smile. All the very catchy songs sound so familiar on first listen, like I've heard them hundreds of times before. Not particularly deep or intense, but beautiful and grazing familiar nostalgic surfaces.

I am quite sure, both of these will remain in my all time favourites for a long time.

delicious links of the day

2006-05-08T18:42:00.000+12:00

Battlestar Galacticsimpsons

Dolphins know each others names

am I lying to myself when everyone else here sees right through me?

2006-04-26T20:50:00.000+12:00

anyway i can see for miles and miles

2006-04-26T20:46:00.000+12:00

honestly I'm starting to think that I'm lost

2006-04-26T20:41:00.000+12:00

there's no rest for these feelings and I think that enough is enough

2006-04-26T20:31:00.000+12:00

then suddenly i'm in the middle of the part i love

2006-04-26T19:22:00.000+12:00

mutilate the meanings so they're easy to deny

2006-04-24T20:35:00.000+12:00

I have been quiet lately because:

I was away.
I drowned my laptop. It is still dead.
Life has been accelerating.
The Universe has been misbehaving. Again.
I have nothing to say that can be said here.

It is official

2006-04-16T20:52:00.000+12:00

I am VERY fat. Nearly Obese. I wish I never stepped on the stupid scales!

annoying technology

2006-04-16T20:39:00.000+12:00

Well I never thought I'd have to read the instruction manual in order to figure out how to use a set of scales!

All I want to do is weigh my luggage. But no, the scales won't let me do something so simple. I can't simply stand on the scales and get my weight. Oh no. The scales need to know my age, gender, height and activity level. Then I can stand on them. And then they will quickly flash a whole lot of numbers: weight, body fat, TBL (whatever the hell that is). Problem is they flash them far to quickly for me to read. So I have to keep pressing recall.

I guess when I stand on the scales with my luggage they will tell me I am obese with a dangerously high body fat!

not-so-sentimental suze

2006-04-15T17:37:00.000+12:00

I am in the middle of sorting through all my stuff...stuff at my place and stuff I have stored in my Mum's garage. I am quite amazed at the things I had kept...old bus tickets, old brochures, ALL my uni notes, lots of old school work, old clothes, old toys, etc... Although I can't quite see why I wanted to keep old bus tickets.

Anyway I am quite pleased that I am a horder. I came across a lot of things like tax returns, pay slips, employment contracts etc that may prove very useful. And I didn't even realise that I had them!

I am being very ruthless. Throwing out stuff that I would usually keep. I even have a large pile of books to sell.

Although there are some things that I just can't throw out even though I probably should. For example, there is Turtle. Turtle is a rather large stuffed toy (large enough for a small child to sit on). Turtle is quite ugly and covered in material I detest and wears a bizarre hat. I would never in a million years choose to buy Turtle new. Now you'd think that if I can't bear to part with Turtle then I must've had Turtle since I was very young or maybe someone important gave Turtle to me.

Well... no...

I bought Turtle at a school fair when I was around 15-16 years old and past the stuffed toy age. It was near the end of the fair and I wandered into the toy room. There were still quite a few toys left, but I only noticed Turtle and Dog. Turtle had a price tag of 10 cents and Dog had a price tag of 5 cents. Dog was really cheap because Dog had no hair, no eyes and no nose. Dog was basically a Dog shaped stuffed thing with a very very very worn coat.

I felt so sorry for Turtle and Dog! They were both so ugly and it was clear that no one would buy them and their price tags were much much lower than all the other toys. So I bought them. Because I felt sorry for them and I wanted them to have a nice home. I couldn't bear to think that they might be dumped in a rubbish dump or burnt. I was quite emotional about these ugly and old stuffed animals!

So, ever since then Turtle and Dog have had pride of place amongst my other well-loved toys. I have actually managed to part with various other stuffed animals, which theoretically should have a much higher sentimental value, but not Turtle or Dog. Even now, when I am being ruthless and getting rid of a lot of things with sentimental value, I can't bear that Turtle and Dog will be thrown out and not appreciated. It is ridiculous! But I can see that it is entirely possible that I will have Turtle and Dog forever.

view from deck chair

2006-04-12T00:03:00.000+12:00